Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?

It has been said that fortune plays a vital role in the
life
to attain the goals. I, myself partially agree with
this
statement as I believe hard work and dedication
also
contribute a lot to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
successful in
life
. In
this
essay, I will discuss why am not totally agree with the notion. On the one hand side, it is true that
luck
is very important for
successful
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a successful
show examples
life
.
For example
, being born
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
wealthy
Correct article usage
a wealthy
show examples
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
is considered to be
luckiest
Correct article usage
the luckiest
show examples
, because parents can afford anything
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their children and allows them to get
better
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a better
show examples
education. Setting up a business is very easy for them as they don'
t
have to borrow any money from
someone
.
Moreover
,
born
Add a missing verb
being born
show examples
with talent is another example of fortune,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if
someone
have
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has
show examples
any kind of talent like singing or dancing, with
this
energy
someone
can
acquire
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
his or her aim.
Hence
, having better
luck
leads to better outcomes to be successful.
On the other hand
side, there is no denying that
luck
is not important for success, but hard work and determination
also
play a big role in people's
life
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lives
show examples
.
For example
, if
someone
set
Wrong verb form
sets
show examples
up a goal to become a soldier he or she cannot be successful if doesn'
t
put any
efforts
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effort
show examples
in
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into
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the training.
Furthermore
,
person
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a person
the person
show examples
is not able to reach
at
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apply
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its target if they don'
t
focus on it and don'
t
have determination. No doubt, on the way there might be difficulties, but when the goal is achieved, it
create
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creates
show examples
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
kind
happiness
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of happiness
show examples
which cannot be with
luck
. In conclusion,
while
I agree that
luck
is important in
life
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
also
requires hard work for better outcomes. People cannot stay only on fortune, they have to put
much
Change preposition
in much
show examples
more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
.
Submitted by  Mandeep on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify the thesis statement in the introduction to establish a clear position on the topic. Make sure that the transition between the introduction, main body, and conclusion is seamless.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the body paragraphs, extend and support your ideas with more specific examples and clearer explanations. Avoid overgeneralization and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices such as sentence connectors, synonyms, and pronouns to improve readability and flow. This will help to enhance the logical structure and clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by discussing to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement. Consider discussing both the impact of luck and hard work in more balanced detail.
Task Achievement
Include a wider range of ideas and develop them into more comprehensive arguments. Ensure the essay addresses the complexities of the topic, presenting a well-rounded discussion.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with relevant, specific examples drawn from real-life scenarios, research, or hypothetical situations. This will strengthen your argument and help you achieve a higher score for task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diligence
  • consistent effort
  • inherent talent
  • honing skills
  • external factors
  • upbringing
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • right place at the right time
  • contributing factor
  • conjunction
  • success
  • achievements
  • endeavors
  • fortune
  • serendipity
  • determinants
  • efficacy
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