The pie chart displays the online sales in New Zealand retail sector in 2003 and 2013

#displays #sales #zealand #sector

The pie chart displays the online

sales

New

Correct article usage

the New

show examples

Zealand retail sector in 2003 and 2013 .

Overall

, in 2003 the travel and clothing industries had the highest online

sales

New

Correct article usage

the New

show examples

Zealand retail sector.

However

, a decade later, the film/music

industry

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

dominant.

Travel

Add an article

The travel

show examples

industry

is the highest at online retail

sales

and

clothes

Correct article usage

the clothes

show examples

industry

is the second highest making up 36% and 24% of total online shopping in 2003 respectively . 21% is the total online

sales

for

film

Correct article usage

the film

show examples

/music

industry

, which makes

Correct article usage

the books

show examples

books

Fix the agreement mistake

book

show examples

industry

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

the lowest proportion

Change preposition

show examples

online shopping markets.

While

the travel and clothes industries both experienced a decline in

sales

at 29% and 16% respectively,

books

Correct article usage

the books

show examples

industry

grew

Change preposition

apply

show examples

from 19% to 22% . Compared with the others the greatest proportion in

online

Correct article usage

the online

show examples

shopping market in 2013 was the film/music

industry

. Is it grammatically correct?

Submitted by zx00154 on Wed Feb 07 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, industry with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "displays" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

141 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The pie chart displays the online sales in New Zealand retail sector in 2003 and 2013

some people think that the parents of children who commit crimes should also receive a punishment . To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

number of children who drop the scool is increasing in some countries.what are the reasons and solutions to overcome this problem.

Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Children who start reading earlier in life perform better later on in their school studies. How important are early reading skill in a child's academic performance? What other preschool factors influence a child's later academic achievements?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.