IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been observed that a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who had a massive influence on the world dedicate themselves totally to their work and
underestimated
Wrong verb form
underestimate
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the idea of
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
work-life
Use synonyms
. I totally disagree with the notion of these
people
Use synonyms
 because
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
work-life
Use synonyms
 can improve strong
relationships
Use synonyms
 with other
people
Use synonyms
 and protect
people
Use synonyms
 from anger attacks which may damage their successful careers. Balanced
work-life
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to improve social
relationships
Use synonyms
 with families and friends.
People
Use synonyms
 should limit their working hours and allocate their time to improve their
relationships
Use synonyms
 with their families and friends because
stong
Correct your spelling
strong
show examples
relationships
Use synonyms
 with others will reduce
people
Use synonyms
's
stress
Use synonyms
 levels and anxieties. Many successful
people
Use synonyms
 confront
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
huge
stress
Use synonyms
 factors in their daily lives,
therefore
Linking Words
, reducing some part of the
stress
Use synonyms
 level can improve their anxieties about jobs and their careers.
For example
Linking Words
, many successful
people
Use synonyms
 admit that they were once workaholics, and
then
Linking Words
 realized that they should take their time
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
relationships
Use synonyms
 and decrease their
stress
Use synonyms
 levels to increase their
efficacies
Fix the agreement mistake
efficacy
show examples
. Another factor that overworking
people
Use synonyms
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
 is that they experience anger attacks during their
work-lives
Correct your spelling
work lives
show examples
. If
people
Use synonyms
 completely focus on their businesses and careers, they will put a huge strain on their emotions. These kinds of
people
Use synonyms
 may show overreaction to others which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in some negative
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
 from their colleagues or employers.
People
Use synonyms
 can able to control their anger with an appropriate
work-life
Use synonyms
 balance. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, most successful CEOs around the world have a good balance in their
work-lives
Correct your spelling
work lives
show examples
, and
therefore
Linking Words
, they do not have an issue
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 overreaction to their employees. They believe that they can only control unexpected problems by calming down. In conclusion, I believe
people
Use synonyms
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 arrange a balanced
work-life
Use synonyms
 because they can reduce their
stress
Use synonyms
 levels by improving social
relationships
Use synonyms
, and they can avoid
to overreact
Change the verb form
overreacting
show examples
 to other
people
Use synonyms
 which
returns
Verb problem
results
show examples
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 negative outcomes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences directly relate to that main idea. Try to make the connection between your examples and the main topic more explicit.
task achievement
While you addressed the prompt satisfactorily, expanding your argument with a wider range of details and further elaboration of examples would benefit your essay. Aim to present more varied perspectives and a more in-depth exploration of why balanced work-life is important.
language use
Be mindful of grammatical consistency and accuracy. Errors in sentence structure and word choice can detract from the clarity of your message. Proofreading can help to eliminate minor errors and enhance the overall readability of your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Burnout
  • Job satisfaction
  • Work-life harmony
  • Emotional support
  • Career sustainability
  • Productivity
  • Creativity
  • Well-rounded
  • Adaptable
  • Flexible working hours
  • Remote work options
  • Wellness programs
  • Physical well-being
  • Mental well-being
  • Stress
  • Efficiency
  • Innovation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: