It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It has been observed that a lot of
people
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who had a massive influence on the world dedicate themselves totally to their work and
underestimated
Wrong verb form
underestimate

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with
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apply

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the idea of
balanced
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a balanced

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work-life
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. I totally disagree with the notion of these
people
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because
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced

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work-life
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can improve strong
relationships
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with other
people
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and protect
people
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from anger attacks which may damage their successful careers. Balanced
work-life
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is beneficial to improve social
relationships
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with families and friends.
People
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should limit their working hours and allocate their time to improve their
relationships
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with their families and friends because
stong
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strong

The word stong doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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relationships
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with others will reduce
people
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's
stress
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levels and anxieties. Many successful
people
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confront
to
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apply

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huge
stress
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factors in their daily lives,
therefore
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, reducing some part of the
stress
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level can improve their anxieties about jobs and their careers.
For example
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, many successful
people
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admit that they were once workaholics, and
then
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

realized that they should take their time
to
Change preposition
in

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their
relationships
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and decrease their
stress
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levels to increase their
efficacies
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efficacy

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. Another factor that overworking
people
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experienced
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experience

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is that they experience anger attacks during their
work-lives
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work lives

The word work-lives doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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. If
people
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completely focus on their businesses and careers, they will put a huge strain on their emotions. These kinds of
people
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may show overreaction to others which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results

It seems that the verb result does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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in some negative
feedbacks
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feedback

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from their colleagues or employers.
People
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can able to control their anger with an appropriate
work-life
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balance. To illustrate
this
Linking Words

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, most successful CEOs around the world have a good balance in their
work-lives
Correct your spelling
work lives

The word work-lives doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, and
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they do not have an issue
about
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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overreaction to their employees. They believe that they can only control unexpected problems by calming down. In conclusion, I believe
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

shoud
Correct your spelling
should

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arrange a balanced
work-life
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because they can reduce their
stress
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levels by improving social
relationships
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, and they can avoid
to overreact
Change the verb form
overreacting

The verb overreact is usually in the gerund form when following the word avoid. Consider replacing it with the -ing form.

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to other
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which
returns
Verb problem
results

There may be a verb use issue here.

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as
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in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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negative outcomes.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences directly relate to that main idea. Try to make the connection between your examples and the main topic more explicit.
task achievement
While you addressed the prompt satisfactorily, expanding your argument with a wider range of details and further elaboration of examples would benefit your essay. Aim to present more varied perspectives and a more in-depth exploration of why balanced work-life is important.
language use
Be mindful of grammatical consistency and accuracy. Errors in sentence structure and word choice can detract from the clarity of your message. Proofreading can help to eliminate minor errors and enhance the overall readability of your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Burnout
  • Job satisfaction
  • Work-life harmony
  • Emotional support
  • Career sustainability
  • Productivity
  • Creativity
  • Well-rounded
  • Adaptable
  • Flexible working hours
  • Remote work options
  • Wellness programs
  • Physical well-being
  • Mental well-being
  • Stress
  • Efficiency
  • Innovation
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