Write about the following topic. It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
It has been observed that a lot of
people
who had a massive influence on the world dedicate themselves totally to their work and underestimated
Wrong verb form
underestimate
with
the idea of Change preposition
apply
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
work-life
. I totally disagree with the notion of these people
because balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
work-life
can improve strong relationships
with other people
and protect people
from anger attacks which may damage their successful careers.
Balanced work-life
is beneficial to improve social relationships
with families and friends. People
should limit their working hours and allocate their time to improve their relationships
with their families and friends because stong
Correct your spelling
strong
relationships
with others will reduce people
's stress
levels and anxieties. Many successful people
confront to
huge Change preposition
apply
stress
factors in their daily lives, therefore
, reducing some part of the stress
level can improve their anxieties about jobs and their careers. For example
, many successful people
admit that they were once workaholics, and then
realized that they should take their time to
their Change preposition
in
relationships
and decrease their stress
levels to increase their efficacies
.
Another factor that overworking Fix the agreement mistake
efficacy
people
experienced
is that they experience anger attacks during their Replace the word
experience
work-lives
. If Correct your spelling
work lives
people
completely focus on their businesses and careers, they will put a huge strain on their emotions. These kinds of people
may show overreaction to others which result
in some negative Correct subject-verb agreement
results
feedbacks
from their colleagues or employers. Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
People
can able to control their anger with an appropriate work-life
balance. To illustrate this
, most successful CEOs around the world have a good balance in their work-lives
, and Correct your spelling
work lives
therefore
, they do not have an issue about
overreaction to their employees. They believe that they can only control unexpected problems by calming down.
In conclusion, I believe Change preposition
with
people
shoud
arrange a balanced Correct your spelling
should
work-life
because they can reduce their stress
levels by improving social relationships
, and they can avoid to overreact
to other Change the verb form
overreacting
people
which returns
Verb problem
results
as
negative outcomes.Change preposition
in
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences directly relate to that main idea. Try to make the connection between your examples and the main topic more explicit.
task achievement
While you addressed the prompt satisfactorily, expanding your argument with a wider range of details and further elaboration of examples would benefit your essay. Aim to present more varied perspectives and a more in-depth exploration of why balanced work-life is important.
language use
Be mindful of grammatical consistency and accuracy. Errors in sentence structure and word choice can detract from the clarity of your message. Proofreading can help to eliminate minor errors and enhance the overall readability of your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite