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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.
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The bar chart demonstrates the number of school commutes that were done by children using different modes of transport in 1990 and 2010. There are five types of travel methods in the chart, which are travelling by car, bicycle, bus, walking and bus, and
also
Linking Words
 by walking only. The most used way of travel in 1990 was by walking.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, in 2010, the most used transport mode was replaced by cars. In 1990, more than 12
million
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 were commuting to and from school by walking.
Also
Linking Words
, more than six
million
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 were using the bus and cycling as their transport mode. In 2010, the trend changed. In fact, the car was the most used transportation, with a total of 11
million
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
. For the rest modes, The number of
students
Use synonyms
 who were still using was below 6
million
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 each, with cycling becoming the least favourite (only 2
million
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
).
Submitted by shafatriviaa on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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