Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

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Contribution
Correct article usage
The contribution
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of
art
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and
music
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in the current generation is a widely discussed topic by many
people
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. Does
music
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plays
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play
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a vital role in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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world ? from my perspective, yes, and
this
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should be taught to younger
people
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in schools
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.
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?
Change the punctuation
.
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both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views will be discussed briefly below. The first point to establish is that
music
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and
art
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have played a pivotal role in
humans
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human
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life from ancestral ages.
For instance
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, there are
number
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a number
the number
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of evidence
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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collected by authorities ,
moreover
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, paintings on the cave portraits their contribution to
art
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.
In addition
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,
use
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the use
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of musical instruments
are
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is
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also
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seen in those paintings.Nowadays, different variety of
music
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is enjoyed by many
people
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around the world.
Secondly
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, advancement
is
Correct your spelling
in
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technology
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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brings
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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more accessibility to
music
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and
art
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,
this
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helps
people
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to explore
wide
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a wide
the wide
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range of cultural events occurring across the nation.
For example
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, African tribal culture and
music
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events are easily available on the internet ,
besides
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, a numerous
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
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has
Wrong verb form
have been
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created by companies to produce
music
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, which can be used by
population
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the population
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to leisure their spare time
listening
Add the preposition
listening to
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their own taste
of
Change preposition
in
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music
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, lots of research states that
,
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apply
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listening
Use synonyms
music
Change preposition
to music
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can ease
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
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mind and
activates
Correct subject-verb agreement
activate
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happy
hormone
Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
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.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, young minds are the future generation of our society , they should keep their mental health at
good
Add an article
a good
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pace for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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period to contribute to social development. Yes , they should be taught
art
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and
music
Use synonyms
at schools.
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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and presents a clear position. The main body paragraphs should have topic sentences that introduce the point of each paragraph, followed by explanations and examples. Also, work on sentence construction to avoid run-on sentences and improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay needs to directly answer all parts of the question with a clear opinion. Make sure to provide specific examples to support your ideas, and expand on the reasons behind your opinion. Avoid making general statements without backing them up with details.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • cognitive abilities
  • academic performance
  • self-expression
  • therapeutic
  • cultural awareness
  • globalized world
  • diverse cultures
  • technological advancements
  • interactive tools
  • accessible
  • engaging
  • STEM subjects
  • well-rounded individuals
  • innovative
  • problem-solvers
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