Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Contribution
Correct article usage
The contribution
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of
art
and
music
in the current generation is a widely discussed topic by many
people
. Does
music
plays
Change the verb form
play
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a vital role in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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world ? from my perspective, yes, and
this
should be taught to younger
people
in schools
Change the punctuation
.
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?
Change the punctuation
.
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both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views will be discussed briefly below. The first point to establish is that
music
and
art
have played a pivotal role in
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
life from ancestral ages.
For instance
, there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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of evidence
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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collected by authorities ,
moreover
, paintings on the cave portraits their contribution to
art
.
In addition
,
use
Correct article usage
the use
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of musical instruments
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
seen in those paintings.Nowadays, different variety of
music
is enjoyed by many
people
around the world.
Secondly
, advancement
is
Correct your spelling
in
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technology
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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brings
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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more accessibility to
music
and
art
,
this
helps
people
to explore
wide
Add an article
a wide
the wide
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range of cultural events occurring across the nation.
For example
, African tribal culture and
music
events are easily available on the internet ,
besides
, a numerous
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
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has
Wrong verb form
have been
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created by companies to produce
music
, which can be used by
population
Add an article
the population
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to leisure their spare time
listening
Add the preposition
listening to
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their own taste
of
Change preposition
in
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music
.
Furthermore
, lots of research states that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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listening
music
Change preposition
to music
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can ease
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
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mind and
activates
Correct subject-verb agreement
activate
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happy
hormone
Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
show examples
.
To conclude
, in my opinion, young minds are the future generation of our society , they should keep their mental health at
good
Add an article
a good
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pace for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
period to contribute to social development. Yes , they should be taught
art
and
music
at schools.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and presents a clear position. The main body paragraphs should have topic sentences that introduce the point of each paragraph, followed by explanations and examples. Also, work on sentence construction to avoid run-on sentences and improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay needs to directly answer all parts of the question with a clear opinion. Make sure to provide specific examples to support your ideas, and expand on the reasons behind your opinion. Avoid making general statements without backing them up with details.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • cognitive abilities
  • academic performance
  • self-expression
  • therapeutic
  • cultural awareness
  • globalized world
  • diverse cultures
  • technological advancements
  • interactive tools
  • accessible
  • engaging
  • STEM subjects
  • well-rounded individuals
  • innovative
  • problem-solvers
What to do next:
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