Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Contribution
Correct article usage
The contribution
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of
art
and
music
in the current generation is a widely discussed topic by many
people
. Does
music
plays
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play
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a vital role in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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world ? from my perspective, yes, and
this
should be taught to younger
people
in schools
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.
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?
Change the punctuation
.
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both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views will be discussed briefly below. The first point to establish is that
music
and
art
have played a pivotal role in
humans
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human
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life from ancestral ages.
For instance
, there are
number
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a number
the number
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of evidence
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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collected by authorities ,
moreover
, paintings on the cave portraits their contribution to
art
.
In addition
,
use
Correct article usage
the use
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of musical instruments
are
Change the verb form
is
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also
seen in those paintings.Nowadays, different variety of
music
is enjoyed by many
people
around the world.
Secondly
, advancement
is
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in
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technology
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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brings
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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more accessibility to
music
and
art
,
this
helps
people
to explore
wide
Add an article
a wide
the wide
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range of cultural events occurring across the nation.
For example
, African tribal culture and
music
events are easily available on the internet ,
besides
, a numerous
application
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applications
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has
Wrong verb form
have been
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created by companies to produce
music
, which can be used by
population
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the population
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to leisure their spare time
listening
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listening to
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their own taste
of
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in
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music
.
Furthermore
, lots of research states that
,
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apply
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listening
music
Change preposition
to music
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can ease
ones
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one's
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mind and
activates
Correct subject-verb agreement
activate
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happy
hormone
Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
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.
To conclude
, in my opinion, young minds are the future generation of our society , they should keep their mental health at
good
Add an article
a good
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pace for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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period to contribute to social development. Yes , they should be taught
art
and
music
at schools.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and presents a clear position. The main body paragraphs should have topic sentences that introduce the point of each paragraph, followed by explanations and examples. Also, work on sentence construction to avoid run-on sentences and improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay needs to directly answer all parts of the question with a clear opinion. Make sure to provide specific examples to support your ideas, and expand on the reasons behind your opinion. Avoid making general statements without backing them up with details.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • cognitive abilities
  • academic performance
  • self-expression
  • therapeutic
  • cultural awareness
  • globalized world
  • diverse cultures
  • technological advancements
  • interactive tools
  • accessible
  • engaging
  • STEM subjects
  • well-rounded individuals
  • innovative
  • problem-solvers
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