IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it would be beneficial if employees worked three or four days per week rather than five or six days. Why is this? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #employees #three #four #week #five #six #answers
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It is claimed that there exists opinion about positive consequences of reducing the working week from 5 or 6
days
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 to 3 or 4.
However
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, not all
people
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 understand how it will work and why it can be lucrative for companies to apply
this
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 method. First of all, it is obvious that now
people
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 live in extremely difficult times when every year brings new obstacles and we have to struggle with them.
Therefore
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, the amount of stress
people
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 have is increasing annually. They suffer from terrible work and chronic sleep deprivation
due to
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 all the things that are going on today in the world.
Hence
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, they do not spend enough time with their relatives and friends which can support them in difficult periods.
Therefore
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, more
days
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 off will help them to maintain a certain level of psychological, physical and mental state which can provide better results at work.
Secondly
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, another possible reason for applying
this
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 system is a lack of time for self-education and self-improvement for workers.
Moreover
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,
people
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 working 5 or even 6
days
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 a week want only one thing to do on their weekend and, of course, it is not studying or going to cultural events. Most
people
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 just watch TV, scroll social media, chat with friends and so on.
However
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, if they have more
days
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 off, it will allow them to allocate their spare time to different activities. They can start learning a new language,
online-course
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online
show examples
, read a book, attend exhibitions or galleries and go to museums and theatres. In general, it will provide an increase in the level of literacy and skills for employees that can help companies raise the quality of goods and services they sell. In conclusion, I would like to say that it is really important to control the state of workers because it affects their productivity, so it is necessary to give them more
days
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 to stabilize their condition.
Besides
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, additional weekends will give an opportunity for education that in the future will be very beneficial for firms.
Submitted by ddoiron on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly addresses the question and sets out the main points that will be discussed. Consider rewriting the introduction to be more direct and more clearly related to the essay's task.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and paragraphs and make the essay more fluid. Example cohesive devices include: 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' 'consequently,' etc.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your main points. This will help to demonstrate your point more clearly and make your argument more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • productive
  • workplace stress
  • employee well-being
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon emissions
  • traffic congestion
  • flexibility
  • personal interests
  • implementation
  • workload
  • customer service
  • business operations
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