In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit. While some support this, other people believe that this money should not be given. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In several countries, several
people
support that societies who are unemployed receive
a sum of Fix the infinitive
to receive
money
every week in the form of a benefit. Whereas
, others say that they should not obtain that money
. In this
essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument as well as
my perspective on the below paragraph.
On the first
hand, Correct word choice
other
people
believe that unemployed
getting Correct article usage
the unemployed
money
is able to reduce poverty. The poverty
can be caused since Correct article usage
Poverty
people
do not possess an income, and this
issue can influence the quality of the country because impecunious
Correct article usage
the impecunious
people
are increasing. In addition
, this
solution is able to maintain mental
health of Add an article
the mental
Correct article usage
the publics
publics
. Fix the agreement mistake
public
People
who do not have a lot of money
and is added with not acquiring the
jobs can bother their Correct article usage
apply
mind
because they are not strong about the Fix the agreement mistake
minds
financial
so Replace the word
finances
that
it is able to make them Correct word choice
apply
depression
because of the enhancement of stress level.
Replace the word
depressed
On the other hand
, the unemployed who gains
some Correct subject-verb agreement
gain
assistances
from Fix the agreement mistake
assistance
government
will Add an article
the government
make
them lazy to work. If Verb problem
be
people
are afforded free income, they are able to become a
lazy Correct article usage
apply
people
, and they do not want to try to search a
job. Change preposition
for a
Additionally
, this
condition will increase dependency culture. People
will depend on the ministry to procure an income. Hence
, it can worsen the condition in that country.
To sum up
, both arguments carry strenght
and significance, and neither can be refuted outright. Correct your spelling
strength
Nevertheless
, I personally subscribe to the fact that societies who do not own the works should not given
Change the verb form
give
be given
money
so that it will make them self-sufficient, and the government ought to provide several trainings
Fix the agreement mistake
training
such
as cooking, learning of
technology, or making business, Change preposition
apply
therefore
it can escalate their skills.Submitted by fifi on
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Introduction
Be sure to introduce your essay with a clear statement that outlines your intent to discuss both viewpoints and offer your opinion. The introduction could be more explicit in stating the thesis.
Paragraph development
The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences that state the main idea of each paragraph. Try to start with a sentence that clearly indicates what point the paragraph will discuss.
Cohesion
It's essential to use a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to improve the flow and connection between ideas, such as 'furthermore', 'despite this', 'consequently', and so on.
Task response
Aim to include examples to support your points. Use specific and relevant examples to illustrate the arguments on both sides. This helps in achieving a higher score by showing the ability to illustrate ideas with clear examples.
Paragraph development
Within your development paragraphs, ensure that the argument is fully extended. This could be accomplished by deeper explanation and also by offering concrete examples.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, try to concisely summarize the points made rather than introducing new ideas.
Opinion clarity
Make sure that your personal opinion is clear and well-supported by arguments. This is crucial in ensuring that the reader is clear about your stance on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.