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Band 5

Some people say that playing sports helps prepare children for their future work,while others disagree, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #children #future #work
Sports
 have become the new way for entertaining,
this
 way has benefits
to
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apply
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which
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
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 as good health, more sociable skills and renewing the sport itself. Those aspects are attractive to parents who are concerned
to
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with
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 the care of their children.
Hence
, some households consider
of
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 playing
sports
 helps prepare infants for their future. I agree with that statement. In
this
 essay, it will be described pros and cons of it.
To begin
 with, there are some people
disagree
Correct pronoun usage
who disagree
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 about
instill
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instilling
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sports
 in their life early.
However
, in spite of good health
condition
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conditions
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, the kids are constantly
submitted
Verb problem
subjected
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 to stress sessions, all-consuming activities and most
important
Replace the word
importantly
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, lose the virtue of being a child.
For instance
, some Taekwondo apprentices spent
until
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apply
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three hours per day training and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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forty five
Add a hyphen
forty-five
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percent
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per cent
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 of them would like to get rid of it
due to
 they indeed don't like
sports
, they were forced by their progenitors.
Thus
, it's very important to consider the preference of the brood.
On the other hand
, immediate relatives support the idea of
involve
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involving
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 their prole
into
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in
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an
Change the article
a
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 environment since they can construct strong bonds with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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meanwhile
Correct word choice
and meanwhile
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 enjoy a good space for leisure
instead
 of
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
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 out with bad companies which could introduce
to
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apply
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criminality. As a sample, the swimming team of the Colombian league are
compound
Correct your spelling
composed
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 of a variety of sportsmen which grew throughout ten years. In an interview, they said they feel happy because they are in good health and cultivated a brotherhood among them, they help each other and claim they didn't lose their childhood and love swimming.
As a result
, it can
be see
Change the verb form
be seen
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 that when the likes of the young are taken into account, it can enhance
an
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apply
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inconmensurable
Correct your spelling
incommensurable
 sociable skills because of
sports
. In a nutshell, both sides of the wall are valid and each one carries
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 advantages of disadvantages, but with the previous aforementioned notions, I agree totally with
involve
Wrong verb form
involving
show examples
 youth in recreation for their unaccountable profits.
Finally
, I invite parent-readers of
this
 essay to assume
the
Correct article usage
apply
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good care of the infants, but don't impose your taste, ask for the things your girl or boy likes and you will see the results.
Submitted by natalyrau13 on

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task response
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response; however, it would benefit from a more balanced discussion, ensuring that both views are equally explored before concluding with your opinion.
task response
To improve task achievement, ensure your ideas are fully extended with further explanation or examples. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph would enhance the clarity of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively to manage the progression of your ideas; avoid repetition and try to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
language usage
Check for inaccuracies or informal language that may slip into your essay. Maintain a formal academic style and proofread your work for possible grammatical errors.
grammar
Be attentive to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to make your sentences more grammatically accurate.
task response
Remember to provide clear examples to back up your points. Real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios can make your arguments more persuasive.
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