IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

lt is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is said that
kids
Use synonyms
 who have a
with
Correct word choice
wide
show examples
 range of abilities and who are
higlhy
Correct your spelling
highly
 supported by good contacts, have to meet other
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 at school. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument. On the one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 who have so many abilities and a variety of social backgrounds are really
influent
Correct your spelling
influential
 over
kids
Use synonyms
 that doesn’t. Normally, rich
kids
Use synonyms
 have knowledge learned from every person they know and from everywhere they have been.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they can easily transmit all their experiences and knowledge to those that doesn’t have those opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, my aunt didn’t have that much money
neither
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 contacts when she was 8.
However
Linking Words
, she met a girl called Sonia,
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 was really
intelligents
Replace the word
intelligent
 and
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 used to get good marks at school.
As a result
Linking Words
, Sonia taught and shared all her experience and knowledge
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 my aunt
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had an important impact on her future .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the situation that
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 have
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
 is reversible as
kids
Use synonyms
 with facilities usually learn so much about other
different
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
. Diversity
permit
Correct subject-verb agreement
permits
show examples
 them to learn
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
 situations that are not always as nice as their
.
Correct word choice
own.
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other
children
Use synonyms
 teach them how to be humble and that not everyone has the same facilities. As an example, a famous scientist called Fernando Llorente was very poor when he was young
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he had
pratically
Correct your spelling
practically
 neither family nor friends.
Also
Linking Words
, he met an intelligent classmate
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 was known for bullying people. His classmate got helped by him
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he got taught how to be nice
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other students.
As a result
Linking Words
, they both started to be accepted
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they met new friends at school.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is important for
children
Use synonyms
 with
facilities
Check wording
disabilities
show examples
 to mix with other students because of the impact they reversible impact they have
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly in each body paragraph. Say clearly why you agree.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Some ideas are good, but they need fuller explanation.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to believe. One example about your aunt is better than the unclear scientist example.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your meaning clear. Some sentences are hard to follow because the idea changes too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. Each paragraph should have one main idea and support it well.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction: you agree.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like on the one hand, on the other hand, however, and as a result.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: