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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram indicates the life process of the honey bee

The diagram indicates the life process of the honey bee
The diagram indicates the life
process
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 of the
honey
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bee
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 from
egg
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 to maturity age.
Overall
Linking Words
, the diagram explains the life cycle
for
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of
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 the
honey
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bee
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, which takes 34-36
days
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. The first step of
Use synonyms
process
Add an article
the process
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 starts with the laying
honey
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bee
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 between 2-3 eggs every three
days
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.
Second,
Linking Words
the eggs remain between 9-10
days
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, and
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 time, eggs hatch and
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Correct article usage
the bee
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bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
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throws
Correct subject-verb agreement
throw
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 off. The
bee
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 remains attached
in
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to
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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egg
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 until it totally
separated
Wrong verb form
separates
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 from the
egg
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 after 5
days
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, After the separation from the
egg
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,
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bee
Correct article usage
the bee
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 becomes independent and young for 7
days
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. Afterwards, it becomes
more
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apply
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bigger and transforms into young adults after 9
days
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. They are able to engage in the
process
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 of formation of
honey
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 with others.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 after 4
days
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 they become mature and
be
Wrong verb form
are
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 able to emerge in the full action of the
honey
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 production. In conclusion, the time for life cycles of
honey
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is make
Change the verb form
is made
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 in
short
Add an article
a short
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 time, as it takes almost one month to be able to engage
to
Change preposition
in
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 the full
process
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 of
honey
Use synonyms
 production.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, honey, bee, egg, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "indicates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pollination
  • Ecosystems
  • Metamorphosis
  • Larva
  • Pupa
  • Nectar
  • Pollen
  • Foraging
  • Hive
  • Cell
  • Workers
  • Drones
  • Queen Bee
  • Mating Flight
  • Capped Cell
  • Colony
  • Reproduction
  • Brood
  • Apiary
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