IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that advertising is extremely successfull at persuading us to buy things. other peoplr think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #successfull #peoplr #attention
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It is considered by some that one of the best ways to convince people
purchasing
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to purchase
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 their products is advertising,
while
 there are others who think advertising is ordinary for drawing attraction. I,
however
, disagree with the latter on the basis of some compelling reasons. On the one hand, some people hold the view that advertising these days
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 too common;
therefore
 individuals do not pay attention to them.
That is
 to say, since they have
exposed
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been exposed
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 to lots kinds of marketing, they lose their
charismatic
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charisma
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 and they do not have any influence on their audiences. A good illustration
for
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of
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that is
mass
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the mass
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of
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apply
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kinds of media around us
such
 as billboards, TV commercials, social media and newspapers. They believe
this
 because all the day they watch repetitive
advertisement
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advertisements
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 and they have no sense about them.
On the other hand
, an opposing view asserts that advertising is a successful way to achieve companies' aims that
sell
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selling
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 their services or outcomes. To put it differently, if a company dedicate a certain amount of budget to advertising it will be gained more profit.
Additionally
, they can introduce their new product
by
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in
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this
 way and of
course
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course,
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 being creative could be more effective for bringing
spectators
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spectators'
spectator's
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 attention. Take Delpazir sauce as an example; despite the passing of years, I have remembered
they
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the
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 motto and it has
stamped
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been stamped
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 on my mind
and
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apply
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also
 whenever I
have heard
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hear
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 it Delpazir sauce comes to mind and it would never be boring and take my attention.
To conclude
, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy, on balance;
however
, my firm conviction is that advertising is
a
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apply
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one step for businesses to enhance.
Submitted by niloofar_sk33 on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a response to the prompt, but the ideas could be developed further with more comprehensive explanations and clearer examples. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and that this idea is developed with specific evidence or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is apparent, but there are issues with logical flow. Transitions between ideas could be smoother, and paragraphs should be more clearly linked to each other. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer behavior
  • Marketing strategies
  • Brand awareness
  • Psychological impact
  • Target audience
  • Commercialization
  • Sensory overload
  • Selective perception
  • Cognitive dissonance
  • Ad fatigue
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