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Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, many people are suffering from health problems because of fast food the Government should tax higher fast food what is your opinion about this?

#people #health #food #government #tax
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The fast
food
Use synonyms
 industry is booming, nowadays.
Therefore
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,
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consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
junk
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food
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise to numerous
health
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issuses
Correct your spelling
issues
.
Although
Linking Words
 increasing the
tax
Use synonyms
 on processed
food
Use synonyms
 would stop
people
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to have
Change preposition
from having
show examples
 it, I think, adding more nutrition and healthy ingredients to it would be more beneficial. To start with, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
, packaged
food
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 is very convenient in the modern era
that is
Linking Words
 why
prefence
Correct your spelling
preference
 is given to it and it has become the need of
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, daily
consumption
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
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resulting
Replace the word
results
show examples
as
Change preposition
in
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 a burden on
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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 system. It is
diffficult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to digest for the body because it contains excessive oil, fat and unwanted chemicals, which results in higher diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, in India, fast
food
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 is
leading
Correct article usage
the leading
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 cause of the
mutliple
Correct your spelling
multiple
 diseases that
people
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 are suffering from.
Hence
Linking Words
,
junk
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food
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 is giving rise to
health
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 problems. Moving
further
Linking Words
, increasing
tax
Use synonyms
 on prepackaged
food
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 could discourage the
consumption
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 of it.
People
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 would show less interest in it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the government makes it unaffordable.
However
Linking Words
, I believe, it is going to affect the economy of the country as the fast
food
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 chain industries are one of the biggest
economical
Replace the word
economic
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factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
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 for any nation.
For Instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
an articles
Correct the article-noun agreement
articles
an article
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,
junk
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food
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 industries are
second
Add an article
the second
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 biggest contributor to the
USA
Correct your spelling
US
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 economy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I would suggest that the authorities should emphasize
on
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apply
show examples
how to make it more healthier and full of
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
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.? The officials should set standards for every
food
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 chain to follow to make
food
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 suitable for
people
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's
health
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, raising
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tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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 is not a better option to lower the
consumption
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 of fast
food
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
junk
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food
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 is getting popular among
people
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 day by day, resulting
an
Change preposition
in an
show examples
 increase in
health
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 problems.
Although
Linking Words
rasinng
Correct your spelling
raising
racing
rising
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tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 on
food
Use synonyms
 is being considered to lower its
consumption
Use synonyms
, I think, making it more healthier is what going to make a big difference.
Submitted by yudhveer4890 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are explored adequately and that your position is clear throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
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Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your paragraphs with clear main ideas supported by relevant examples and explanations.
Language proficiency
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision in expression.
Language proficiency
Review basic punctuation and sentence structures to ensure your writing is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Health ramifications
  • Obesity epidemic
  • Chronic diseases
  • Healthcare expenditures
  • Fiscal measures
  • Public health policy
  • Sin tax
  • Nutritional value
  • Preventative health care
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Nutritional literacy
  • Consumer behavior
  • Food desert
  • Heart disease
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Metabolic syndrome
  • Balanced diet
  • Processed foods
  • Health equity
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