IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

nowadays many people choose to be self-employed , rather than to work for a company or oraganisation.why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #oraganisation #be #case
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A group of individuals present the view that
self-employed
Add a missing verb
being self-employed
show examples
 is more
nessesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 for a company or organisation is better. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will attempt to outline both ideas and provide my perspective. The proponents of
self-employed
Add an article
the self-employed
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 notion are of the opinion that money earned is more
and
Correct word choice
apply
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sufficient in
this
Linking Words
 case. These days,
by
Change preposition
with
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 progressing technology, people's
cosume
Correct word choice
consumption has
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icrease
Correct your spelling
increased
 so they need more income to
satisfied
Add a missing verb
be satisfied
show examples
. The income is unlimited in
this
Linking Words
 case so
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
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decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the opponents believe that working as
employee
Add an article
an employee
show examples
 is more safe and
Correct quantifier usage
more unstressful
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unstressful
Replace the word
stressful
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.
Staff
Add an article
The staff
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 knows their salaries
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of
month
Add an article
the month
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 and they can manage their money for saving and buying. They think working for
boss
Correct article usage
a boss
show examples
 has less responsibility for them I found myself favouring the first concept as I believe that
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 in
company
Add an article
a company
show examples
 with other
colligues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 me more active and happier. I am
intereted
Correct your spelling
interested
 in doing work together. To
coclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, Both
idea
Change to a plural noun
ideas
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 is correct and
complettly
Correct your spelling
completely
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 on people's
carectore
Correct your spelling
caricature
 to choose one of them .
Submitted by maryam_baou on

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structure
Your essay needs clearer organization, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, main points, and conclusion. It is hard to follow your argument without clear separation and development of ideas. Use topic sentences to introduce your paragraphs and subsequent sentences to develop your points more thoroughly.
examples
The essay's topic sentences and main points need to be supported by specific examples and further explanation. For instance, when discussing the benefits of self-employment, give real-life examples of individuals whose income increased due to self-employment.
task response
The essay attempts to discuss the given topic but falls short in task response as the ideas are not fully developed, and the prompt about the disadvantages of being self-employed is not addressed properly. Make sure to cover both parts of the question in equal measure.
grammar
There are noticeable grammar errors and spelling issues throughout the essay. These detract from the clarity of your message. Please pay attention to subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, verb tenses, and spelling (e.g., 'consume' instead of 'cosume', 'character' instead of 'carectore'). Proofread your work to avoid these mistakes.
conclusion
A conclusion should summarize the points discussed in the essay and should not introduce new information or perspectives. Work on restating your main points succinctly and clearly in your conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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