IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that mobile phones conversation should be banned in crowded and social places. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #phones #conversation #places
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Nowadays, mobile phones have occupied a vast amount of
people
's time.
People
 use it everywhere, including public
places
. Some believe that conversations with phones should not be allowed in public,
while
 others believe in the opposite. In my point of view, banning cellphone talks in public is not a suitable approach. The advocators of forbidding
phone
 calls in social
places
 argue that they bother other
people
 around. When someone talks on his or her
phone
 for a long time in public, it causes disturbance for others who do not want to hear the conversation.
Also
, they cause interruptions in the discipline of
places
, especially small ones, like public transportation. The advocators say that it is an example of causing damage to society and it should not be allowed.
On the other hand
, other
people
 disagree. They say that speaking in social environments does not cause any harm to
people
.
Also
, they argue that each individual should have the freedom to talk in public, whether on the
phone
 or with another person.
Additionally
, there may be an emergency call
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 a person should catch immediately. So, they believe that it should not be banned. In my opinion, cellphone talks should be permitted in association. When a rule is established to prevent something, it usually makes it worse.
People
 would actually be encouraged to do it more often than normal and it may cause anarchy in public
places
.
Therefore
, there should not be a low for banning
such
 a harmless matter.
Overall
,
while
 many
people
 may advocate it, I disagree with forbidding
phone
 calls in public. it prevents harmless freedom, there may be a chance of losing an emergency issue and
people
 may want to do it irregularly.
However
, I recommend that
people
 prefer texting over speaking when they are in public to avoid probable disturbance.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by further explanation, arguments, or examples. Use varied transition words to connect ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
Address the prompt fully by discussing both views presented and providing a clear personal stance. Support your opinions with specific examples or evidence for a higher task response score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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