IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do you feel it is better for young people leaving school to study further at University or go straight into the workplace? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples for your knowledge and experience.

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A group of
individuals
Use synonyms
presents
Correct subject-verb agreement
present
show examples
 the view that young
people
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 should pursue
further
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education
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 at
university
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that entering the workforce immediately after school is a more beneficial path. I strongly agree with the former opinion, as
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 provides both specialized knowledge and personal development that can enhance long-term
career
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 prospects. On the one hand, some
people
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 justifiably argue that continuing
education
Use synonyms
 at
university
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 allows young
people
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 to gain a deeper insight into their chosen field and acquire specialized knowledge.
This
Linking Words
 can significantly increase their employment opportunities and potential income in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, professions
such
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 as medicine, engineering, and law require advanced degrees, and
university
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education
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 equips
individuals
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 with the necessary expertise to excel in these fields. They
also
Linking Words
 present the sound argument that higher
education
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 contributes to personal development.
University
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 life helps students enhance critical thinking, communication, and problem-solving
skills
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. These
skills
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 are not only beneficial for their careers but
also
Linking Words
 for their personal growth and adaptability in different aspects of life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the networking opportunities offered by
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
the university
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 can be invaluable, allowing students to connect with peers and professionals who may assist in future
career
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 advancement.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 claim that entering the workforce immediately allows young
people
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 to gain practical
experience
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 and earn income earlier. They insist that starting a
career
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 right away can lead to faster
career
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 advancement, especially in industries where hands-on
experience
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 is highly valued.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument
as
Change preposition
apply
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convincing, because
while
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 practical
experience
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 is important, it may limit
individuals
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' long-term growth without the theoretical foundation and critical thinking
skills
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 gained through higher
education
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. Many industries, even those that prioritize
experience
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, still reward
individuals
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 with advanced degrees in terms of higher positions and salaries.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my view, pursuing
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 at
university
Use synonyms
 is the best option for young
people
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. Gaining specialized knowledge and developing essential
skills
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, as I outlined in
body
Capitalize word
Body
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 1, will open more doors in the future.
Moreover
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,
although
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 immediate work
experience
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 may offer short-term gains, it does not provide the same long-term advantages that a
university
Use synonyms
 degree can offer.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or evidence to support the points you make, particularly in the paragraphs discussing the benefits of immediate workforce entry. This would help strengthen your essay by providing more concrete evidence for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You can use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your arguments.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view on the topic, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.
task response
The main points in each paragraph are well-supported and are logically presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Higher education
  • Specialized knowledge
  • Employment opportunities
  • Personal development
  • Critical thinking
  • Communication skills
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Networking
  • Career advancement
  • Practical experience
  • Professional skills
  • On-the-job training
  • Industries and professions
  • Earn income
  • Formal education
What to do next:
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