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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #products #world #development
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Some people say that different nations are becoming very similar
due to
 people can purchase the same
goods
 anywhere in the world, no matter where they live. I think
this
 is true and it can be a positive feature of globalization. There are some negative aspects too, but
overall
, the benefits surpass the drawbacks. The main positive point is access to standard
products
 which have, in general, more quality and
low
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 price, once these
products
 are sold on the whole planet, providing scale gains.
For example
, Coca-Cola tastes the same and costs equal relative price in several countries and the consumers know exactly what they expect from
this
 product.
Moreover
, there are more options for the customers
choosing
Wrong verb form
to choose from
show examples
. Another advantage is more competition that
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
 local companies to offer better
products
 and more affordable prices.
On the other hand
, there are some negative aspects
such
 as loss of cultural identity and unfair competition. If the public prefers international
goods
 to local
goods
, in
middle
Add an article
the middle
show examples
 term, traditional
products
 can disappear and some cultural features can disappear together.
For instance
, in Brazil, it is more common for young people to eat Japanese food or pizza than regional food. Within some years, nobody will eat local dishes like feijoada.
Additionally
, standard
goods
 can
be contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
 to unfair competition, killing small businesses. Nowadays, in Brazil, it is more difficult to find local brands of soda as "
tubainas
Correct your spelling
turbines
" because of multinational brands like Coca-Cola and Pepsi
To conclude
, in the modern world, the countries are very similar, especially in the big cities, where there are available
products
 from anywhere in the world, mainly from China.
Submitted by fmulato on

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, and a conclusion that summarises your points and restates your opinion. This structure helps in achieving better coherence and cohesion.
Linking Words
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. For example, instead of starting sentences with 'Another advantage is,' you could use 'Furthermore' or 'In addition to this'. This would improve the logical flow of your argument.
Examples
Expand on your examples by providing more details. For instance, when you mention the uniform taste of Coca-Cola worldwide, you might also discuss how this impacts local beverages and consumer choice.
Task Response
Your task response is generally good, but make sure that you fully address all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Include more thorough analysis of both the positive and negative developments, and clearly state your own position in the introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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