Tv is harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this notion.
In
this
contemporary epoch
many believe that kids usually spend their precious time Add a comma
epoch,
infront
of the screen Correct your spelling
in front
instead
of playing outdoor games which leads to their inactive life style
. I agree with Correct your spelling
lifestyle
this
above notion, by glued
to the screen in excess, youngsters can suffer from not only health problems but Add a missing verb
being glued
also
they may leads
to poor results in their academics.
To commence with, there are numerous Change the verb form
lead
deterimental
effects of watching tv on Correct your spelling
detrimental
youngers
and the prominent one is poor health. It is undeniable that excess of everything is bad and if Correct your spelling
younger
the
kids spend their quality Correct article usage
apply
of
time on television rather than playing outdoor games Change preposition
apply
than
they may suffer from many health issues like poor eyesight, Correct your spelling
then
headache
and obesity. Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
Hence
, children
should do the
outdoor activities by which they can develop their cognitive development and make their future bright.
Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, when the
Correct article usage
apply
children
spend more time on tv
, they become addicted to it and Correct your spelling
TV
starts
ignoring their studies which leads to adverse Correct subject-verb agreement
start
effect
on their academic results and might they have to suffer in Fix the agreement mistake
effects
their
future. Change the word
the
Furthermore
,
nowadays children
tend to follow their celebrities and in order to become like them they may choose the wrong life styles
. Correct your spelling
lifestyles
For instance
, In some movies ,a hero beats the villains after taking some drugs which shows that drugs like steroids provide energy . So it have
negative effects on the Change the verb form
has
children
life if they follow their role models.
On the flip side , there are some benefits of watching Change noun form
children's
tv
if Correct your spelling
TV
children
watch videos related to their education as well as
motivational videos . However
, the
teenagers are not mature so they might be unable to Correct article usage
apply
take
Correct your spelling
make
the
Correct article usage
apply
decision
like what is useful for themFix the agreement mistake
decisions
so
, their parents should provide them Rephrase
apply
information
and tell them the importance of physical activities which would be better for their holistic development.
Change preposition
with information
To sum up
, although
children
might be get
Change the verb form
get
education
by watching motivational videos, if they glued to Correct article usage
an education
screen
in excess they may suffer from various conflicts which thas disastrous repercussions.Correct article usage
the screen
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on
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Task Achievement
Your introduction sets up the topic well, but consider refining your thesis statement to make your stance clearer. Try direct statements like 'I firmly believe' or 'I partly agree' to explicitly state your position.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences are directly related to that main idea. Avoid introducing new topics or ideas without adequate development.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs. Look for transitions that show cause and effect, contrast, or addition.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas with more detailed and specific examples. Use data, research, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points concretely.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion should summarise the main points of your essay and restate your opinion. Ensure it mirrors your introduction and provides a clear final thought on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.