The supplied bar chart above represents the data about people living in rural, urban and town who born in Australia or outside of state between 1995 and 2010.

The supplied bar chart above represents the data about people living in rural, urban and town who born in Australia or outside of state between 1995 and 2010.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart above illustrates the percentages of the citizens who were born in and outside of the
state
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Australia
Change preposition
of Australia
show examples
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
currently living in rural , urban or town
areas
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
1995 until 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
the majority of the people who were born in or outside of the
state
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Australia
Change preposition
of Australia
show examples
decided to live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
compared to rural
areas
Use synonyms
with a 20% increase rate from 1995 to 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the public who was born outside of the
state
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Australia
Change preposition
of Australia
show examples
and living in town
areas
Use synonyms
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
at the same proportion
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
10% since 1995 but it appears that
slightly
Correct pronoun usage
there slightly
show examples
decreased
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
figures for the people who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
with a 20% to 18% , respectively from 1995 to 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Rural
areas
Use synonyms
are the least popular choices among the community with 40% shares declining to only 5% shares
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
those who were born outside of the
state
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Australia
Change preposition
of Australia
show examples
from 1995 to 2010.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
goes
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
those who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
dropped in
Add an article
the figure
a figure
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
from 30% to 18% , respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
,most of the majority
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
living in city
areas
Use synonyms
compared to rural
areas
Use synonyms
.Meanwhile, town
areas
Use synonyms
remain at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
steady rate
according to
Linking Words
the data above.
Submitted by tifjong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words state, australia, areas with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographics
  • Migration patterns
  • Population distribution
  • Rural
  • Urban
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Growth rate
  • Settlement patterns
  • Residential categories
  • Urbanization
  • Infrastructure
  • Economic opportunities
  • Lifestyle preferences
  • Residential mobility
  • Urban planning
  • Governmental policies
  • Community impact
  • Data analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: