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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who have moved house either in last 3 years,between 3years to 5 years,not within the last 5 years

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who have moved house either in last 3 years,between 3years to 5 years,not within the last 5 years
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar charts provide information about the conditions of individuals moving houses presented in percentages for four age groups.
Overall
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
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the
three
Use synonyms
 younger age groups,
that is
Linking Words
, 20 to 29, 30 to 39 and 40 to 49,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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share quite a similar pattern
that
Change preposition
in that
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 those
moved
Correct pronoun usage
who moved
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 houses
three
Use synonyms
 to five
years
Use synonyms
 ago accounted for the largest shares, followed by individuals moving houses in the past
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, and for those not moving homes in the past five
years
Use synonyms
 come the least.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 for the age group of 50 or older, 42% of people have not moved home in the
last
Linking Words
 5
years
Use synonyms
, though the people
moved
Correct pronoun usage
who moved
show examples
 homes in the
last
Linking Words
three
Use synonyms
 to five
years
Use synonyms
 shared just 1% less. Looking more specifically, over

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words three, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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