IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that its not necessary to have internet access to live a full life. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

#people #internet #access #life
Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
,
people
 completely depend upon the
internet
 to maintain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance between personal and professional
life
. I
also
 think
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 become a main part of everyone's
life
 and in the following essay, I will support my
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
.
Firstly
, new generation children are properly relay on the
internet
 to complete their assignments and
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 as
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
 is available on the
internet
 which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to save
time
 and energy, in case there is no
internet
 access
then
 they going to waste
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of
time
 and energy
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the libraries.
In other words
, they going to suffer for long
time
 periods for a particular information.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 businessmen can expand their
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 and
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every part of the world just with the
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 of advanced technology.
Thus
,
people
 make money and live their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 happily. In the entertainment
sector's
Change noun form
sector
show examples
,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is necessary to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 more effective and
interest
Wrong verb form
interesting
show examples
 by using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different types of filters and effects.
Along with
this
,
people
 can communicate with their
close
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 and maintain the relationship with them, it is only possible because of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 as
people
 can
did
Verb problem
make
show examples
 video and voice
call
Correct subject-verb agreement
calls
show examples
 with their
love's
Change noun form
love
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 at any
time
 not only to make the bond stronger but
also
, help to exchange the information with each other. In conclusion,
although
 some believe
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 spoils the
life
 of young
people
, at the same
time
 opponents claim
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is worthwhile as it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to save
time
,
energy
Correct word choice
and energy
show examples
, once's can grow their
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and so on
that is
 why
life
 without
Correct article usage
the interent
show examples
interent
Correct your spelling
Internet
 is nothing.
Submitted by kirandkaur131 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Focus on developing a clear introduction that outlines your essay's structure and argument, keeping in mind to make it engaging for the reader.
logical structure
Work on presenting your main points more systematically. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by an explanation and example.
conclusion
Your conclusion should restate your main points succinctly and clearly, making sure it's aligned with your introduction.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure to address the question directly throughout your essay, and include a mix of personal experience and broader arguments to fully respond to the prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
You should aim for clear comprehensive ideas by expanding on your points with detailed explanations and examples that are clearly linked to the argument.
relevant specific examples
To score higher, include detailed, relevant examples that specifically support your arguments. Avoid generalizations and be as specific as possible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: