advantage and disadvantage of telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
Nowadays, In numerous countries a
number
of parents
encourage their children for
that they can gain anything if they try hard enough. Change preposition
apply
Consequently
, children or youngsters are provoked that achieve their goals. However
, this
argument has a few cons.
On the one hand, all the kids have a number
of dreams. For example
, the
most of the kids like to be a pilot when they get older. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, their parents
should encourage and help them due to
the fact that,
they will have a career of interest Remove the comma
apply
then
when they will get adults. As a result
, they will have a perfect income consequently
they can fulfil their needs, if they have a financial problem. Moreover
, the
governments should make a Correct article usage
apply
number
of TV shows, movies, cartoons or documentary films about who when someone was a child he or she liked to be a doctor when he or she got older. Consequently
, they tried hard and achieved this
goal.
On the other hand
, If they try hard, and they can not achieve what ever
they want, They will probably have a Correct your spelling
whatever
number
of mental illnesses in the future. However
, In my point of view, It is not extremely essential if you can not gain anything in this
world we have many folk
that they can not gain anything or like them. Change to a plural noun
folks
on
the contrary, they don't give up and try again and Capitalize word
On
finally
make their dreams in real life.
In conclusion, we have a number
of benefits that parents
and also
governments should encourage the kids and believe them even if their dreams are not extremely logical. Moreover
, when they get older and can not achieve everything they want their parents
should encourage them again that
Correct word choice
so that
finally
their children achieve their goals.Add a comma
finally,
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed equally and thoroughly to provide a balanced argument.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments, which helps to demonstrate the validity of your points and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the structure of your essay by organizing it into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea, and using linking words to show the relationship between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to employ a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic proficiency.
Coherence & Cohesion
In the conclusion, aim to summarise both sides of the argument concisely and state your overall opinion to provide closure to the essay.
Task Achievement
Check for grammatical errors and work on sentence construction for better clarity and accuracy.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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