IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people feel that free time is something valuable.

#people #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Good morning Mr Kerill, I want to let you know that I wish to change my class from IELTS B to A. To be honest, I am so scared to say that because I have changed my classes many times in the past, and I do not have the right to say so, but I will ask for the
last
 time can I change my class.I do have a reason for that, one of the main reasons is that at
first,
I chose to be in Asia class because I knew that Asia could help me to improve my reading skills and she already did, but now I need to improve my writing as soon as possible because I do not know why I always score 5.5 in the test but in reality, I scored not less than 6.5.
Moreover
, I noticed that my friends who study with Ayna mentioned that they all improved the way they write and that she helped them a lot with that,
also
 when I did the speaking test with Ayna she said that she could help me improve and that I just need a little help. I know that both classes are full, but I am not asking you to move me immediately, whenever there is an available place for me please let me their. Kind Regards
Submitted by aminaalmatrook on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Consider adding an introductory paragraph that outlines your main reason for requesting the class change and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your request and reiterates your desire for the change.
logical structure
Ensure the logical flow of ideas by organizing the content into clear paragraphs, each with a main idea and supporting sentences. Use transition words to guide the reader and connect the paragraphs coherently.
supported main points
Provide more detailed examples to support your request, such as specific instances where your writing has not improved as anticipated and how Ayna's class could offer targeted assistance to address these issues.
clear comprehensive ideas
Fully address the task by explaining your circumstances and reasons for requesting the class change in greater depth. Offer more comprehensive ideas and demonstrate a full understanding of the desired outcomes and benefits of moving to Ayna's class.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant examples that are specific to your situation, such as your performance improvements after receiving assistance in the current class and how Ayna's feedback during the speaking test led you to believe she can help.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
What to do next:
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