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Band 4.5

Many people aim to achieve balance between work and life, but only a few people achieve it. What problems will be caused by poor work-life balance? How can its negative impacts be prevented?

#people #aim #balance #work #life #work-life #impacts
Individuals dream about being well organized and finding the golden mean between
work
 and personal
life
. In
this
 essay, I describe a couple of consequences and some solutions to being a more balanced person. It is not
secret
Correct article usage
a secret
show examples
 majority
today
Change preposition
of today
show examples
 people are very busy,
however
, it does not mean they spend their
time
 effectively. Good rest from
work
 and using effective
work
time
 to achieve our own goals
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is important to us. An unbalanced
life
 can lead to an unhappy
life
 and,
lacka
Correct your spelling
a
 lack of
time
 for family even for oneself.
For example
, young adults put a lot of afford into reaching some career goals in their
life
, so they can spend all their
time
 working without any breaks.
Following
this
, after some
time
 they understand that not only
work
 plays a crucial role in our
life
. Lack of
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is one of
consequences
Add an article
the consequences
show examples
 which can lead
unorganaized
Correct your spelling
unorganised
 lifestyle. Having
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 free
time
 for health,
time
 for sport and
self improvement
Add a hyphen
self-improvement
show examples
. Afterwards, people spend all their energy working and feel disappointment and anxiety.
Following
this
 lost interest in working and felt passion for
life
. We have only 24 hours each day,
that is
 why we should calculate and organize our daily
life
. One day plan should be to have
time
 for
work
 and for myself, my family and my health.
For example
, many wise people write their plans for week and month. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 our brain will try minimum energy to do it,
however
, after some
time
, our
life
 becomes more interesting. An organized
life
 means a happy
life
.
To sum up
, happiness consists of a lot of parts from
work
 to personal
life
, so we are not able to be happy person without one of them
Submitted by kazbek.baimukhambetov on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a main idea and sentences that support that idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) appropriately to help connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both the problems caused by poor work-life balance and the solutions to these problems.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more fully with explanations, examples, and details to demonstrate clear understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for grammar mistakes and ensure proper sentence structure for better clarity and accuracy.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by providing specific instances or explaining how these solutions can be implemented practically.
Task Achievement
Avoid overly general statements and strive for depth in analysis rather than breadth. It's better to explore a few points in great detail than to mention many with little explanation.
Task Achievement
Balance the amount of content dedicated to problems and solutions to ensure a comprehensive discussion of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve balance
  • heightened stress
  • physical health issues
  • mental health issues
  • decline in productivity
  • job satisfaction
  • overworked
  • personal relationships
  • social life
  • deteriorating
  • participation
  • isolation
  • loneliness
  • personal goals
  • interests
  • challenging
  • personal development
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • recharge
  • clear boundaries
  • supportive work environment
  • prioritizes
  • employee wellness
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