IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people aim to achieve balance between work and life, but only a few people achieve it. What problems will be caused by poor work-life balance? How can its negative impacts be prevented?

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Individuals dream about being well organized and finding the golden mean between
work
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 and personal
life
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I describe a couple of consequences and some solutions to being a more balanced person. It is not
secret
Correct article usage
a secret
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 majority
today
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of today
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 people are very busy,
however
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, it does not mean they spend their
time
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 effectively. Good rest from
work
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 and using effective
work
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time
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 to achieve our own goals
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is important to us. An unbalanced
life
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 can lead to an unhappy
life
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 and,
lacka
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a
 lack of
time
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 for family even for oneself.
For example
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, young adults put a lot of afford into reaching some career goals in their
life
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, so they can spend all their
time
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 working without any breaks.
Following
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this
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, after some
time
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 they understand that not only
work
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 plays a crucial role in our
life
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. Lack of
time
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,
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apply
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 is one of
consequences
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the consequences
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 which can lead
unorganaized
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unorganised
 lifestyle. Having
not
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no
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 free
time
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 for health,
time
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 for sport and
self improvement
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self-improvement
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. Afterwards, people spend all their energy working and feel disappointment and anxiety.
Following
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this
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 lost interest in working and felt passion for
life
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. We have only 24 hours each day,
that is
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 why we should calculate and organize our daily
life
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. One day plan should be to have
time
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 for
work
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 and for myself, my family and my health.
For example
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, many wise people write their plans for week and month. In
this
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case
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case,
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 our brain will try minimum energy to do it,
however
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, after some
time
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, our
life
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 becomes more interesting. An organized
life
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 means a happy
life
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.
To sum up
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, happiness consists of a lot of parts from
work
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 to personal
life
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, so we are not able to be happy person without one of them

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a main idea and sentences that support that idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) appropriately to help connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both the problems caused by poor work-life balance and the solutions to these problems.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more fully with explanations, examples, and details to demonstrate clear understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for grammar mistakes and ensure proper sentence structure for better clarity and accuracy.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by providing specific instances or explaining how these solutions can be implemented practically.
Task Achievement
Avoid overly general statements and strive for depth in analysis rather than breadth. It's better to explore a few points in great detail than to mention many with little explanation.
Task Achievement
Balance the amount of content dedicated to problems and solutions to ensure a comprehensive discussion of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve balance
  • heightened stress
  • physical health issues
  • mental health issues
  • decline in productivity
  • job satisfaction
  • overworked
  • personal relationships
  • social life
  • deteriorating
  • participation
  • isolation
  • loneliness
  • personal goals
  • interests
  • challenging
  • personal development
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • recharge
  • clear boundaries
  • supportive work environment
  • prioritizes
  • employee wellness
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