IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Failure is proof that desire wasn't strong enough. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#failure #proof #desire #wasn
Lately, a plethora of topics are being seriously talked about among various individuals and groups, and one prominent is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
failure. In the succeeding paragraphs, I completely agree with the idea that
people
's lack of
desire
 contributes to failure, in the succeeding paragraphs, I am going to explain my perspective
further
. The first point is that most of the time the
desire
 isn't powerful to push us to achieve goals. It is a common fact that
people
 very easily get lazy in the process and give up the goal halfway. To illustrate, I have a friend who joined a number of gyms because he wanted to shape his body and stop eating junk food to achieve
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 life but failed, the major reason is that he started
feel
Change the form of the verb
feeling
show examples
 tired after two classes.
Hence
, If we aren't able to fix our bad habits,
desire
 is always just a
desire
, and never will be achieved one day.
On the other hand
, external pressure
also
 will cause
people
 stop to pursuing their desires. The reason is that stress has a tendency to extinguish
people
's passion.
For instance
, a person who has to work 10 to 12 hours per day has no enthusiasm about doing
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
show examples
 hobby, I believe they are more willing to just lie on the sofa and not do anything to release their pressure, even unwilling to take a shower.
Moreover
,
people
 feel stress that destroys their energy to do any activities
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 hobbies. In conclusion, achieving a target depends on the degree of ambition, and
also
 external environment could cause
people
 stop to pursuing their desires.
Submitted by rosolook on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. You should state your opinion on the issue directly and avoid vague or generalized statements.
Main Points & Development
Your main points should be clearly developed. Avoid repeating the same ideas; instead, flesh them out with varied examples and explanations.
Logical Structure
Work on the logical structure by organizing paragraphs around central ideas and using transition words or phrases to connect them smoothly. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
Task Response
Ensure you address all parts of the prompt. You have presented one view thoroughly but need to consider opposing views or other factors to fully respond to the question.
Specific Examples
Include more relevant and specific examples that directly support your main points. This will enhance the strength of your arguments and showcase a range of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: