Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, it is a huge case that millions of children from all over the
world
are just dependent on electronic devices, especially smartphones. In my opinion, it is a big problem for the population of the world
. Because if it is used inappropriately, it may show some negative effects.
I think that it is a negative development because most of the children use
this
gadget, as I already feel inappropriately
. But why does it happen? One of the biggest regrets might be that modern parents Replace the adverb
inappropriate
use
smartphones to calm their baby
down. Because they do Fix the agreement mistake
babies
use
the easiest and most time-safest way to settle down a child
by just giving them a mobile phone. Since little babies get used to watching kartoons
, in their minds they will stay assassination phones to something that will be an endless content generator. Correct your spelling
cartoons
For example
, a study at the University of California in San Diego showed that students who do not bring their phones usually show better results in intelligence tests.
Now, let's talk about the benefits of using a smartphone in childhood. One of them is more closely related to technology or anything that a child
might be interested in by using a phone, like the largest book in the world
. If all parents will
teach how to Verb problem
apply
use
the phone properly, for example
, for education, it will be a huge benefit to the child
because today's power is knowledge, and as an early child
will understand that, the more success he or she will reach. For example
, Polgar's 3 daughters. All of them have been learning chess from a very young age, and by doing that from a young age, they all reached secces
. Just like that, it Correct your spelling
success
will
be great if they used phones to take some knowledge.
Wrong verb form
would
Overall
, it is negative in the world
right now because of inappropriate use
. Whereas
it might be changed. I think that all
depends on Correct pronoun usage
it all
parents
and their decisions.Correct article usage
the parents
Submitted by dnm.best on
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task achievement
Your essay should clearly address both parts of the prompt. Discuss both why children spend time on smartphones and provide a clearer stance on whether this is positive or negative (with more detailed reasoning).
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and supporting details. Some ideas in your essay are not fully explained or are somewhat repetitive.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For example, the example of Polgar's daughters does not clearly link to the use of smartphones and could be replaced with a more relevant example.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make use of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your points smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction that outlines your main points and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments effectively. Your conclusion could be more definitive.
coherence cohesion
Provide stronger support for your main points. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by detailed explanations and examples.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address both parts of the prompt and demonstrates an understanding of the complexities involved.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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