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Band 4

Is mental strength important for success in sports or is it more important to have strong and fit people in sports? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#strength #success #sports #people
In today’s climate, there is a
boubt
Correct your spelling
doubt
 about what is important to be
successsful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in a sports field. There are two
confilicting
Correct your spelling
conflicting
 views regarding the
fact
 that either mental capacity is more important or strength. Some
people
claims
Change the verb form
claim
show examples
 that having strong is the most effective factor,
while
 another group, myself included, believe that having a strong mind is more necessary. A group of
people
 argues that the only thing which an
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 is strength. From
dawn
Add an article
the dawn
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 of the time,
sports men
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
show examples
 were famous for their powers since it was an ordinary belief among
people
 that the more powerful the
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
 was, the more successful he would be. It is obvious that some fields like weight lifting are directly related to the individual’s power and only
people
 with a certain amount of strength can be successful in matches.
Moreover
,
due to
 the
fact
 that sport has a competitive concept, they should prepare themself by doing heavy daily exercises. The other side of the argument believes that physical ability pales in comparison to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental preparation. There were several figures who were extremely talented,
however
 they could not tolerate the stress of competition and its accessories. An illustration of
this
 is the
fact
 that an
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
 must be capable of accepting failure and not be depressed and disappointed. They should know that any failure is a foreground for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success. On top of that, some individuals
quite
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quit
show examples
 since there are countless haters
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media who
isulted
Correct your spelling
insulted
 them.
For example
,
this
 phenomenon happens to black skin
sports men
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
show examples
 since some
people
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately,
show examples
 are still racist. What can be concluded from the above is despite the
fact
 that both physical and mental ability play an important role in the success of an
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
, mental capacity can be more effective.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

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task response
The essay does address the topic but seems to deviate in some parts which may confuse the reader. Try to maintain a singular focus on the question at hand throughout.
task response
Make sure to provide a clear introduction and conclusion. The conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments made without introducing new points.
task response
Provide more specific examples to better support your main points. Examples give strength to your arguments and help illustrate your ideas more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical progression of ideas. Use paragraphs effectively to separate individual points and maintain coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve flow and demonstrate the relationships between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors as they can detract from the clarity and cohesion of your essay. Consider revising to correct these mistakes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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