IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You are due to move into a rented apartment next month but you will not able to because you have some problems. Write a letter to the course provider . In your letter , - explain your situation - describe your problems - tell him/her when you think you can move in.

#move #apartment #month #course #provider #situation
Dear Mr.Jakhongir The reason why I am writing
this
 letter to you is that . I can't move into a rented apartment next
month
 , because given me a
month
Change noun form
month's
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 holiday by my university
cause
Correct your spelling
because
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 of
this
 , whoever studies well , giving these students a
month
Change noun form
month's
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 holiday
as
Correct your spelling
is
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 a surprise by my university organization . It is not
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
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 but I have got
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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about
Change preposition
with
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 my work. You know I work in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 hotel
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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of
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in
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 Tashkent city and many people are coming here from another country , so tourists. My administrator said that
,
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apply
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you and your colleagues should
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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serve them as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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waiter
Fix the agreement mistake
waiters
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during
Change preposition
for
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 a
month
 .
Therefore
 I can't move there. I do tell you the truth I can move in April because tourists will be there in March . I think that
this
 will not inconvenience
to
Change preposition
apply
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you much . I hope you will take my letter
in to
Join the words
into
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 consideration
Your
Correct the word
Yours
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 sincerely , Arzikulov Sherkhan
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Coherence and Structure
Organize your letter into clear paragraphs for each point: introduce your situation, explain your problems more clearly, and indicate when you can move in, ideally in separate paragraphs.
Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of the letter by connecting sentences smoothly using linking words and phrases.
Greeting and Closing
Ensure the letter includes a formal greeting and closing. 'Dear Mr.Jakhongir' is formal, but make sure to include 'Dear [First Name] [Last Name]' if you know the full name.
Writing Tone
Make sure the tone is consistent and appropriate for a formal letter. Avoid using overly casual language or contractions.
Task Achievement
Ensure you give a full response to all tasks. You explained the situation and your problem, though not in-depth. Also, clearly state the expected move-in time.
Language Accuracy
Check your grammar and punctuation. Issues with sentence structure, verb tenses, and punctuation can make the letter difficult to understand.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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