Some people say that musci is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is an ongoing debate about
music
and whether it has the power to bring
divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
nations
with
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
cultural backgrounds together. My perspective is,
although
in some aspects
music
seems
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
, it
posses
Wrong verb form
possesses
show examples
enough energy to unite
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
communities and make them close. The following paragraphs will discuss
this
assertion.
To begin
with,
music
can empower individuals with a proper understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
cultures. Nowadays
due to
pace
Correct article usage
the pace
show examples
of life, residents do not have the capacity to study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
nations
which can cause
distanc
Correct your spelling
distance
distant
and
unfamiliar
Correct article usage
an unfamiliar
show examples
atmosphere. With the accessibility of
divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
categorised
music
, societies will be able to be informed about the cultural aspects of
nations
and get
famaliare
Correct your spelling
familiar
with the traditional parts of that community.
This
can make
people
sustainbly
Correct your spelling
sustainably
close with each other since they have the knowledge about each other.
For example
,
while
listening to other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
music
,
residets
Correct your spelling
residents
will
aquier
Correct your spelling
require
acquire
a
chanc
Correct your spelling
chance
to get to know the traditional instruments of that country which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to a qualified understanding of the culture.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, the more time consumed
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
listening to
music
, the more information individuals will
tent
Verb problem
try
show examples
to get about
thoes
Correct your spelling
those
societies which will
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
result in a
considrabely
Correct your spelling
consistently
strong bond between
people
.
Moreover
,
music
is more accessible and a suitable way for
gainig
Correct your spelling
gaining
numerous
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of information.
This
means that since
music
is an international language which
posses
Wrong verb form
possesses
show examples
the same
feutures
Correct your spelling
features
and notes in the whole world, it is more facil for individuals to gain data from.
This
will lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
substantial communication between
divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
nations
since it is significantly easier for them to interact via
music
. In
adition
Correct your spelling
addition
, it has been
considred
Correct your spelling
considered
that in the modern era technological devices
mad
Correct your spelling
made
show examples
it
considrably
Correct your spelling
considerably
simple for
people
to communicate with one another in terms of
music
.
This
is
due to
the fact that technology
mad
Correct your spelling
made
show examples
it possible to share
music
without being limited by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
geographical
bounderies
Correct your spelling
boundaries
.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, not only is it more simple to
commiunicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
with
music
, but
also
it is a more accessible way of interaction because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological advancements.
Hence
,
music
can have
Correct article usage
a remakeble
show examples
remakeble
Correct your spelling
remarkable
impact on the
closness
Correct your spelling
closeness
of
people
in the future.
However
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
criteria
requiers
Correct your spelling
requires
strict supervision and
regualtion
Correct your spelling
regulation
to prevent any misleading because of
variation
Fix the agreement mistake
variations
show examples
in musical culture. In conclusion, my point of view is,
since
Correct word choice
that since
show examples
music
is an accessible form of communication and
posses
Wrong verb form
possesses
show examples
the data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
cutural
Correct your spelling
cultural
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
of
nations
, it will pave the way for a more
sustainble telationship
Correct your spelling
sustainable relationship
among communities.
Submitted by imaneslampanahiep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and that the idea is directly related to answering the question posed in the task.
task achievement
Develop your points with specific examples or evidence. General statements should be supported by specific details to make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure variation to improve readability and create a more sophisticated argument.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with spelling and grammatical errors; even minor errors can distract from the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are directly addressing the essay question and clearly stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Include transition phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas and the logical connections between them.
task achievement
Pay attention to the accuracy and range of vocabulary. Using varied, precise, and appropriate language helps to clearly express your points and strengthens the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!