Some people say that musci is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #musci #cultures #ages

There is an ongoing debate about

music

and whether it has the power to bring

divers

Correct your spelling

diverse

show examples

nations

with

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

cultural backgrounds together. My perspective is,

although

in some aspects

music

seems

week

Correct your spelling

weak

show examples

, it

posses

Wrong verb form

possesses

show examples

enough energy to unite

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

communities and make them close. The following paragraphs will discuss

this

assertion.

To begin

with,

music

can empower individuals with a proper understanding

about

Change preposition

show examples

divers

Correct your spelling

diverse

show examples

cultures. Nowadays

due to

pace

Correct article usage

the pace

show examples

of life, residents do not have the capacity to study

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

nations

which can cause

distanc

Correct your spelling

distance

distant

and

unfamiliar

Correct article usage

an unfamiliar

show examples

atmosphere. With the accessibility of

divers

Correct your spelling

diverse

show examples

categorised

music

, societies will be able to be informed about the cultural aspects of

nations

and get

famaliare

Correct your spelling

familiar

with the traditional parts of that community.

This

can make

people

sustainbly

Correct your spelling

sustainably

close with each other since they have the knowledge about each other.

For example

while

listening to other

countries

Change noun form

countries'

country's

show examples

music

residets

Correct your spelling

residents

will

aquier

Correct your spelling

require

acquire

chanc

Correct your spelling

chance

to get to know the traditional instruments of that country which

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to a qualified understanding of the culture.

Therfore

Correct your spelling

Therefore

, the more time consumed

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

listening to

music

, the more information individuals will

tent

Verb problem

try

show examples

to get about

thoes

Correct your spelling

those

societies which will

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

result in a

considrabely

Correct your spelling

consistently

strong bond between

people

Moreover

music

is more accessible and a suitable way for

gainig

Correct your spelling

gaining

numerous

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of information.

This

means that since

music

is an international language which

posses

Wrong verb form

possesses

show examples

the same

feutures

Correct your spelling

features

and notes in the whole world, it is more facil for individuals to gain data from.

This

will lead to

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

substantial communication between

divers

Correct your spelling

diverse

show examples

nations

since it is significantly easier for them to interact via

music

. In

adition

Correct your spelling

addition

, it has been

considred

Correct your spelling

considered

that in the modern era technological devices

mad

Correct your spelling

made

show examples

considrably

Correct your spelling

considerably

simple for

people

to communicate with one another in terms of

music

This

due to

the fact that technology

mad

Correct your spelling

made

show examples

it possible to share

music

without being limited by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

geographical

bounderies

Correct your spelling

boundaries

Therfore

Correct your spelling

Therefore

, not only is it more simple to

commiunicate

Correct your spelling

communicate

with

music

, but

also

it is a more accessible way of interaction because of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technological advancements.

Hence

music

can have

Correct article usage

a remakeble

show examples

remakeble

Correct your spelling

remarkable

impact on the

closness

Correct your spelling

closeness

people

in the future.

However

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

criteria

requiers

Correct your spelling

requires

strict supervision and

regualtion

Correct your spelling

regulation

to prevent any misleading because of

variation

Fix the agreement mistake

variations

show examples

in musical culture. In conclusion, my point of view is,

since

Correct word choice

that since

show examples

music

is an accessible form of communication and

posses

Wrong verb form

possesses

show examples

the data

Change preposition

show examples

cutural

Correct your spelling

cultural

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

nations

, it will pave the way for a more

sustainble telationship

Correct your spelling

sustainable relationship

among communities.

Submitted by imaneslampanahiep on Thu Feb 08 2024

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task achievement

Develop your points with specific examples or evidence. General statements should be supported by specific details to make them more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Work on sentence structure variation to improve readability and create a more sophisticated argument.

coherence cohesion

Be careful with spelling and grammatical errors; even minor errors can distract from the overall coherence of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Make sure the introduction and conclusion are directly addressing the essay question and clearly stating your opinion.

coherence cohesion

Include transition phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas and the logical connections between them.

task achievement

Pay attention to the accuracy and range of vocabulary. Using varied, precise, and appropriate language helps to clearly express your points and strengthens the essay.

Word Count

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
56Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

409 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that musci is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Word Count

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for culture nad historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend ? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some countries encourage foreign companies to open in their country. Many people think the government should focus on encouranging local business rather than foreign businesses. To what extent do you agree?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.