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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, people always throw the old things away when they buy new things; whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects the phenomenon leads to?

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In light of the rapid pace of change in various factors of the modern era,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has a significant impact on human behaviour. Among them is the behaviour of purchasing goods, when they buy new things they will throw away the old one rather than
repairing
Replace the word
repair
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 or
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 it again as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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happened in the past. The main reason is related to the recent economic growth, and lately there are many options available to choose our daily needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, we can easily find a lot of clothing stores in the street without having to go to the mall
first,
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and sometimes they provide the cheaper
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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.
Furthermore
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, nowadays, not everyone possesses the acknowledgement of maintaining a certain thing with
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
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 material.
Such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 to make a leather bag has good durability, it has to be stored at a certain temperature. For some people
this
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 can be quite inconvenient,
therefore
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, they prefer to immediately seek out something new when it is broken.
However
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,
this
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 phenomenon may bring several negative impacts on society.
Firstly
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, the latest generation tends to undervalue the meaning of a certain item.
This
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 leads to a tendency for having instance behaviour
,
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apply
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 because the market provides tons of alternatives.
Furthermore
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, the consumptive lifestyle will be increasing because of
this
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 phenomenon. In the research of
psychology
Add a comma
psychology,
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 it is called
an
Correct article usage
apply
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impulsive buying
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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will weaken
Wrong verb form
weakens
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 the ability
of making
Replace the preposition
to make
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 a decision. In conclusion, economic growth can enhance an individual’s purchasing power.
On the other hand
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,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has a bad psychological effect
such
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 as a consumptive lifestyle and impulsiveness that will decrease the sense of considering something.

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Task Achievement
Ensure each main point is elaborated with specific examples or evidence for stronger support. Try to include clear, relevant examples that directly illustrate the argument you are making.
Coherence & Cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and generally effective, aim to make your ideas within paragraphs clearer and more comprehensive. A clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and organize paragraphs more effectively. This helps in creating a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay, enhancing the reader's understanding.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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