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Band 4

There is more and more outrage and anger common in society today. Why is it This is positive or negative

#outrage #anger #society
Nobody
deny
Change the verb form
denies
show examples
 we come across nearly every day frustration and
outrage
 in the general public.
While
 causes of
angry
Replace the word
anger
show examples
 are lack of sleep, smoking and some bad habits.
Outrage
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not good effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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 of the department. On the one hand in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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donkey
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 there
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 so many angry
people
 but nowadays there are a lot of
people
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 angry and
bad- tempered
Correct your spelling
bad-tempered
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. I think lack of sleep is mainly
cause
Correct article usage
the cause
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 of fury. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
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 we can see other habits
for example
 smoking, hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 ( less time to relax) lack of understanding, heavy workloading, new technologies
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 many dwellers think that smoking is good for
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
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 but it is harmful and
people
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
it
Change preposition
to it
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. Nowadays not only teenagers but
also
 children use new technologies (
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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,
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
) . We can see if these habits have any human, they run into stress or depression
,
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apply
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 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we must preserve our
nerve
Fix the agreement mistake
nerves
show examples
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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however
,
outrage
 is hazardous others believe that it is positive. Which sportsman has
temper
Add an article
a temper
show examples
, he
reach
Change the verb form
reaches
show examples
 win. Maybe it is true but bile is damaging for society. These days we can see so many victims of
outrage
anger
Correct word choice
and anger
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media
people
 run into annoyance one second and they may be damaged
something
Change preposition
by something
show examples
 or somebody.
To conclude
people
 must curb their hatred, so
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they decrease their problem. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 Humans run into fury nearly every day. But we must win it. Because it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
any
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
people
. I think if there is anger there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 development in
this
 society.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you have fully understood the question and directly address all parts of the prompt. It is important to clearly state if the rise in outrage and anger is positive or negative, and why. Develop each point with clear and detailed explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a central idea and be linked with cohesive devices. To enhance coherence, make sure to present your ideas in a logical sequence.
Coherence & Cohesion
In the coherence and cohesion category, you need to focus on supporting your main points with concrete examples and evidence. Rather than just stating opinions, try to back them up with facts or research that substantiate your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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