The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agrée or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
sophisticated
world , Add an article
the sophisticated
a sophisticated
science
is crucial
part Add an article
a crucial
for
every individual. It will help to improve people’s lives. From my perspective, Change preposition
of
this
trend is completely agreed due
to Change preposition
upon due
growing
numbers of agricultural and medical benefits. Correct article usage
the growing
However
, emerging issues seem to be
loom over Unnecessary verb
apply
this
prospect, which will be discussed below, and I will offer my views.
To begin
with, nowadays, benefits
of agriculture Correct article usage
the benefits
is
rising Correct subject-verb agreement
are
due to
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
of
Change preposition
in
science
. Therefore
, in early
years, farmers faced difficulties Correct article usage
the early
by
pesticides, which Change preposition
with
are
detrimental Verb problem
had
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
of
crops. Change preposition
on
However
, nowadays, scientists determined more crops with resistant to the
Correct article usage
apply
pesticide
. Fix the agreement mistake
pesticides
For example
, in srilanka
, over the following years, Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
Srilanka
Add an article
the economical
economical
value of Replace the word
economic
agricultural
was enhancing above million hectares. Replace the word
agriculture
Overall
, the wealthy live
of farmers have been increasing Replace the word
lives
due to
science
.
Additionally
, in medicine, numerous anti-agents are
discovered by scientists Wrong verb form
have been
last
50 years. It’s
Unnecessary verb
It
help
to reduce the death rate Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
in
worldwide. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, the varieties of surgeries as well as
treatments are growing in development
countries Replace the word
developing
such
as X-ray
, heart Fix the agreement mistake
X-rays
transplant
, optical surgery and liver Fix the agreement mistake
transplants
transplant
. Fix the agreement mistake
transplants
For example
, in 2021, corona
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
affects
the worldwide population severely. Wrong verb form
affected
Then
after, scientists found a vaccine for the virus and reduced death
rate. Overhead, Correct article usage
the death
medical
field was built with new facilities Add an article
the medical
by
Change preposition
through
science
improvement.
Replace the word
scientific
To conclude
, despite the drawbacks, the benefits of science
trumps
the cons in a milestone. I Change the verb form
trump
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
improvement
of technology is only focused on Correct article usage
the improvement
progress
of people’s lives.Add an article
the progress
Submitted by krishmahendran19 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your current structure is mostly clear, but sometimes the connection between ideas can be refined for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction could more explicitly address the statement from the prompt, providing a clear thesis statement that reflects your position. This helps in setting a strong foundation for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. You've made some effort in this regard, but increased variety and precision in linking expressions can improve the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure supporting ideas are fully developed with explanations and examples. You provided relevant examples, but they could be more detailed to reinforce your points effectively.
task achievement
The task asks for your opinion and you provide it, which is good. Make sure you maintain a clear position throughout your response. That said, further elaboration on the 'emerging issues' would have given more balance and depth to your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to grammar and vocabulary. While your essay demonstrates a certain level of proficiency in English, there are numerous errors that can affect the readability and overall quality of your response. Proofreading and corrections can significantly for both task achievement and coherence.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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