AT THE PRESENT TIME, THE POPULATION OF SOME COUNTRIES INCLUDES A RELATIVELY LARGE NUMBER OF YOUNG ADULTS, COMPARED WITH THE NUMBER OF OLDER PEOPLE. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS SITUATION OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

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It is thought that, in modern
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
of young member of some countries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
incredibly more than their elderly
people
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. As far as I am concerned, as the youngest to be the
fresh
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fresher
show examples
and healthiest labour will be.
this
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essay will argue both
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
and profits of
this
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matter. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
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are equal to new arrivals
of
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in
show examples
work force
Correct your spelling
the workforce
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for
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in
show examples
each
country
Use synonyms
. As they are healthier, they can
do attend
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spend
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much
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many
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more
hour
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hours
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per day
to
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apply
show examples
working at high quality and standards which can lead
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country
Add an article
the country
show examples
to be more productive.
For example
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, numerous scholars
are said
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say
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that
young
Correct article usage
a young
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fresh
work forces are
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workforce
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contributed
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contributes
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to aim
achievment
Correct your spelling
achievement
of each
society
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society's
show examples
economic
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economy
show examples
. As the party of
people
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are higher the
country
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would be progressing
on
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in
show examples
economical
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economic
show examples
sectors
in
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at
show examples
much
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a much
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higher pace.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, If there is
high
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a high
the high
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figure of young
people
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, there would be less
number
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of recreational facilities relating to elderlies.
For instance
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, if the statistics of young
people
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growing more and more,
as a
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result
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result,
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government should spend more money on welfare and facilities proper
to
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for
show examples
majority
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the majority
a majority
show examples
of their
people
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who are young and
elderlies
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elderly
show examples
have got less
due to
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shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
of
attentions
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attention
show examples
. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
show examples
if the majority
number
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of each nation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
related to
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
ones,
thus
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there would be more and more financial benefits Which lead the
country
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to fast
progressing
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progress
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.
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While one
Correct word choice
One
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of the setbacks is less attention to
a
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apply
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welfare
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
might lead them to be more
isolation
Replace the word
isolated
show examples
. In my opinion, the
number
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of positive aspects of
this
Linking Words
situation outweigh its drawbacks.
Submitted by amirisoodabeh24 on

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task response
Your essay indicates a basic understanding of the task with a structure that needs refinement. Consider establishing a clear introduction by paraphrasing the question and stating your opinion clearly. Develop your argument coherently by organizing related ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear main idea.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across and within paragraphs. Transition words such as 'moreover', 'however', and 'consequently' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Expand on your main points by offering more detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments. Tailor examples specifically to the topic instead of general statements. Detail and development demonstrate a higher proficiency in addressing the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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