AT THE PRESENT TIME, THE POPULATION OF SOME COUNTRIES INCLUDES A RELATIVELY LARGE NUMBER OF YOUNG ADULTS, COMPARED WITH THE NUMBER OF OLDER PEOPLE. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS SITUATION OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?
It is thought that, in modern
time
the Fix the agreement mistake
times
number
of young member of some countries are
incredibly more than their elderly Correct subject-verb agreement
is
people
. As far as I am concerned, as the youngest to be the fresh
and healthiest labour will be. Replace the word
fresher
this
essay will argue both drawbacks
and profits of Correct article usage
the drawbacks
this
matter.
On one
hand, Correct article usage
the one
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
are equal to new arrivals of
Change preposition
in
work force
Correct your spelling
the workforce
for
each Change preposition
in
country
. As they are healthier, they can do attend
Wrong verb form
spend
much
more Fix the agreement mistake
many
hour
per day Fix the agreement mistake
hours
to
working at high quality and standards which can lead Change preposition
apply
country
to be more productive. Add an article
the country
For example
, numerous scholars are said
that Wrong verb form
say
young
fresh Correct article usage
a young
work forces are
Correct your spelling
workforce
contributed
to aim Wrong verb form
contributes
achievment
of each Correct your spelling
achievement
society
Change noun form
society's
economic
. As the party of Replace the word
economy
people
are higher the country
would be progressing on
Change preposition
in
economical
sectors Replace the word
economic
in
Change preposition
at
much
higher pace.
Add an article
a much
On the other hand
, If there is high
figure of young Add an article
a high
the high
people
, there would be less number
of recreational facilities relating to elderlies. For instance
, if the statistics of young people
growing more and more, as a
result
government should spend more money on welfare and facilities proper Add the comma(s)
result,
to
Change preposition
for
majority
of their Add an article
the majority
a majority
people
who are young and elderlies
have got less Replace the word
elderly
due to
shortage
of Correct article usage
a shortage
attentions
.
In Fix the agreement mistake
attention
conclusion
if the majority Add a comma
conclusion,
number
of each nation are
related to Correct subject-verb agreement
is
youngest
ones, Correct article usage
the youngest
thus
there would be more and more financial benefits Which lead the country
to fast progressing
. Change the form of the verb
progress
While one
of the setbacks is less attention to Correct word choice
One
a
welfare Remove the article
apply
that
might lead them to be more Correct pronoun usage
which
isolation
. In my opinion, the Replace the word
isolated
number
of positive aspects of this
situation outweigh its drawbacks.Submitted by amirisoodabeh24 on
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task response
Your essay indicates a basic understanding of the task with a structure that needs refinement. Consider establishing a clear introduction by paraphrasing the question and stating your opinion clearly. Develop your argument coherently by organizing related ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear main idea.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across and within paragraphs. Transition words such as 'moreover', 'however', and 'consequently' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Expand on your main points by offering more detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments. Tailor examples specifically to the topic instead of general statements. Detail and development demonstrate a higher proficiency in addressing the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
