IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the best way to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other private vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cost #fuel #cars #vehicles
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There is an opinion asserting that increasing the price of fuels is helpful for air pollution, and
accordingly
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 the environmental issues are solved.
Although
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 I agree that it is important to
use
Use synonyms
 fewer private
vehicles
Use synonyms
, I do not think that it is ample reason for addressing so-called problems.
To begin
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 with, the compelling reason for
this
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 assertion is that these days, most people all over the world
use
Use synonyms
 their private
cars
Use synonyms
 more than any other time, and it has an ill effect on the air. If they face a high cost of
this
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 kind of
energy
Use synonyms
, in order to enormously
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
not afford it, they will highly likely
use
Use synonyms
 other transferring
vehicles
Use synonyms
such
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 as buses, subways and metros.
That is
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 to say, the
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 the less using private
cars
Use synonyms
. A good illustration of
this
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 is Iran since the cost of
energy
Use synonyms
 has changed the more people
use
Use synonyms
 public transportation.
Thus
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, when the amount of air pollution declines the most useful means is for the environment.
On the other hand
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,
firstly
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,
this
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 type of
energy
Use synonyms
 is not only used for private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 it is the main source for factors and other activities
such
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 as warming systems. To put it differently, private
cars
Use synonyms
 are not the only and the most significant factors for threatening the environment.
Secondly
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, there are other root causes which have dire consequences on the destruction of the environment. Take the extinction of some species as an example; by doing so, a serious danger
threaten
Change the verb form
threatens
show examples
 our planet
due to
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 changing the ecosystem.
Hence
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, regardless of
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 that raising the cost of fuel
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
, it is not the only way to overcome environmental problems.
To conclude
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, there are clear benefits of employing public transportation
instead
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 of our own
cars
Use synonyms
;
however
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, I do not believe doing it can be the best means to solving environmental issues.
This
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 is because fossil fuels
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used in private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 are not the only cause of these problems.
Submitted by niloofar_sk33 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea coherently. When moving from one idea to another, make your transitions smoother by using a wider range of connective words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Make certain that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position on the issue, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion. Try to make them more impactful by directly addressing the essay question and refining your thesis statement.
task achievement
Develop your main points further by providing more detailed examples and evidence. Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the main point of each paragraph and elaborate on how they support your argument.
task achievement
Work on presenting your ideas more comprehensively by expanding on them, explaining the reasoning behind your views, and exploring their implications in greater depth. Strive for clarity to ensure that your argument is easy to follow and understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental sustainability
  • renewable energy
  • fossil fuels
  • public transportation
  • carbon footprint
  • economic incentives
  • alternative energy vehicles
  • fuel-efficient
  • government subsidies
  • economic disparity
  • urban planning
  • rural infrastructure
  • sustainable development
  • carbon tax
  • green technology
  • demand elasticity
  • energy conservation
  • climate change mitigation
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