IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on laand and in sea l.What are the reasons and solutions?

#species #activities #laand #sea #l
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As the population rate is growing, the number of
activities
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 is
also
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 increasing, not only on land but
also
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 in
sea
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. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, many animals are being endangered and extinct.
This
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 worrying situation is caused by several factors which I will explain in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Also
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, I will give some solutions to figure out the problem. In terms of the causing factors, the most dominant one on land is from
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
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 aspect, and in the
sea
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, the reason is cruel fishing practices. As more
rurals
Correct your spelling
rural
 are developed and extended, people need roads and highways to get to places. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
consequences
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consequence
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, many unspoiled areas are deforested, and the dwelling fauna
lose
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loses
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 their homes. In
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sea
Add an article
the sea
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, fish industries are responsible
to
Change preposition
for
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 the extinction of many
sea
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 creatures.
For example
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, fishing
activities
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 involve destructive methods
such
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 as using giant netting or poisoning the area. These approaches can damage corals and
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sea
Correct article usage
the sea
show examples
 ecosystem. To solve the problems, authorities should issue clear and strict regulations to related companies.
For instance
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, land developers must design the route of roads and highways wisely in order to press the use of forest or green areas. For the fishing companies, there should be
penalty
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a penalty
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 charged by the government if the commercial organizations are suspected
to destroy
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of destroying
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 marine populations. In conclusion, human beings are not the only creatures that live on earth. As they do
activities
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, they need to bring about marine and
forests
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forest
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 habitats. In
this
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 case, the government should
also
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 control the
activities
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,
thus
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 actions that are dangerous for animals can be anticipated.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical flow by organizing it with a clear introduction, 2-3 body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a main idea and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction and conclusion, clearly state the issue at hand and summarize your points respectively. Make sure the conclusion restates your thesis and summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
task achievement
Develop your main points by supporting them with clear, specific examples. You've mentioned broad concepts such as 'transportation' and 'fishing practices' but need to include a variety of examples or case studies to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
For a higher score in task response, make sure you address all parts of the task prompt thoroughly. Provide a balanced discussion on both causes and solutions, and ensure that your conclusions follow logically from the points you've made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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