IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What measures do you think might be effective?

Nowadays, it is common to spend a significant amount of your time commuting. After a long work day, most
people
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 end up being stuck in traffic jams for hours,
instead
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 of heading home with a huge grin on their faces. The problem only gets bigger when you remind yourself
on
Change preposition
of
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 how much cars pollute our environment with all of the fumes they produce. I reckon we all can agree that roads have become overcrowded. Some individuals suggest that increasing the
price
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 of
petrol
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 would resolve the issue. Some may agree on that, but for
me
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me,
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 it is quite the opposite.
Firstly
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, owning a
car
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 in the modern world has become some sort of a trend.
Therefore
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, everyone is eager to get their
driver
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driver's
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 license and buy their first
car
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 as soon as possible.
Car
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 shows your status, your place in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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society. It
also
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 provides you comfort that public
transport
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 can not
fulfill
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fulfil
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. It is essential to own a
car
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. You may increase the
price
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 of
petrol
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, but one's desire to have their own vehicle will not
dissaper
Correct your spelling
disappear
 anywhere.
Secondly
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, most
people
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 simply do not care about the environment. They may get irritated over the gas prices,
however
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 will continue buying it and driving their cars. They do not care how the trees will feel after they drive 50 miles
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they only care about getting from point A to point B.
Moreover
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, raising
petrol
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 prices to high levels may lead to mass protests and
distabilization
Correct your spelling
destabilisation
 in society, which we of course do not want to see. So what can we do? In my opinion, the core of the issue is the poor
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
 and condition of public
transport
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. Have you ever thought that it is cool to take a bus? We all know the answer. Have you ever felt comfy taking a bus? The answer is the same, and we need to change it. Both society and government need to make big steps towards increasing the popularity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
transport
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. On average, a single
car
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 can take 4
people
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 to their destination.
On the other hand
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, a bus can multiply
this
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 amount at least by 5. If more
people
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would choose
Wrong verb form
chose
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 public
transport
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 over their own
car
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, it would increase both pollution and traffic.
That is
Linking Words
 my view on how we can cope with
this
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 problem. In the end, I can agree that increasing the
price
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 of
petrol
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 may
do
Verb problem
make
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 some changes, but really insignificant ones. It would only cure the symptoms, but it
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 never get to the core. Would it be helpful to increase the
price
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 of knives to cope with the amount of robberies and murders on the streets? Of course not. So, my suggestion to decrease traffic and pollution is to make public
transport
Use synonyms
 more popular, reliable and comfortable.

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coherence
Add a clear stance in each paragraph and link each idea to the task.
content
Give specific examples to support points, and explain why these examples show the effect.
language
Improve grammar and sentence form, especially articles, prepositions, and verb tense.
stance
Clear opposition to petrol price rise is stated.
proposal
Suggestions for public transport as a solution are present.
structure
Essay has a simple plan: problem, cause, solution; structure is visible.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
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