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Band 4.5

There is no doubt that homeless people are increasing in several communities around the globe. A faction of people holds the notion that providing money is the best way to tackle this issue, others argue that more measures should be taken to uplift their condition.

#doubt #people #communities #globe #faction #notion #money #measures #uplift #condition
There is no doubt that homeless
people
 are increasing in several communities around the globe. A faction of
people
 holds the notion that providing money is the best way to tackle
this
 issue, others argue that more measures should be taken to uplift their
condition
. I totally agree with the latter view as ample reasons are present to substantiate it which will
explain
Wrong verb form
be explained
show examples
 in
this
 essay. First and foremost, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should have a complete rehabilitation
program
 for homeless
people
 rather than providing only financial aid.
In other words
, the governments have the responsibility to provide better living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 for citizens,
therefore
, they should have a project to support
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
homeless
people
.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the Netherland’s
show examples
Netherland’s
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands’s
show examples
 government has introduced a
program
 to relocate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
homeless
people
 and provide them
shelter
Change preposition
with shelter
show examples
 and job training.
This
program
 help them to provide better living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 for a significant number of homeless
people
 who
were lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the street.
Moreover
, providing money to these poor
people
 may lead to
addict them
Replace the word
addiction
show examples
 to alcohol and other harmful substances.
This
 may
detrimental
Add a missing verb
be detrimental
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
, homeless
people
 require a stable income to uplift their living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. In detail,
finaincal
Correct your spelling
financial
 support for every month to poor
people
 ,
arguably
Add a missing verb
is arguably
show examples
, a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of tax payer’s money. The government should have an action plan to utilize
this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
people
 for the
socity
Correct your spelling
society
any
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 provide them
stable
Change preposition
with stable
show examples
 renumeration. If there is
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
 income, these
people
’s living environment will improve.
Besides
, the financial institutions and
corporate
Replace the word
corporations
show examples
have
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
 responsibility to improve the living conditions of the public.
For example
, corporate companies can provide training and
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
homeless
people
 and financial institutions should provide
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 to build
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 and improve their living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. In
conclucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, a complete rehabilitation
program
required
Add a missing verb
is required
show examples
 to improve the living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 of homeless
people
. I believe that job training and providing loans by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and private sectors will improve the living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay provides an introduction and conclusion, which is good, but they could be more clearly articulated. You should aim for a strong thesis statement in your introduction and a summarizing concluding sentence that effectively restates your main points.
logical structure
While you do provide some structure to your essay, it's important to ensure a clearer transition between your ideas. Paragraphs should be organized in a way that each represents a distinct idea or aspect of your argument, with clear topic sentences and cohesive devices.
supported main points
Your main points are present but should be supported by more detailed and specific examples. Aim to illustrate each point you make with a clear example or a piece of evidence, which can add credibility to your argument.
complete response
You have addressed the task to a certain extent, but your response would benefit from more depth and specificity in your ideas. Furthermore, it's important to present arguments for both viewpoints before stating your opinion, as the task asks for the discussion of both sides.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas can be clearer and more comprehensive. Work on fully developing each point with explanations, examples, and analysis to demonstrate your understanding of the topic. Avoid making unsubstantiated claims.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples throughout your essay. These examples should be precise and ideally come from credible sources or personal experiences that directly relate to the point you are trying to make.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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