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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the pie chart below shows the main reasons why agriculturl land becomes less productive . The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. 28

the pie chart below shows the main reasons why agriculturl land becomes less productive . The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. 28
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The pie chart
illustrate
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illustrates
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 the
commen
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common
 causes that affected
the
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apply
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agriculturl
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agricultural
agriculture
 productivity. the table depicts the impact of these reasons on three countries in 1990.
overall
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, based on the
deta
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data
 over-grazing is the
domnent
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dominant
 cause of worldwide land degradation.
while
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Europe
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European
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 lands
had
Verb problem
were
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 affected the most by
deforestion
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deforestation
,
Oceania
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the Oceania
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 region
damaged
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was damaged
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 by over-grazing.
According to
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 the
pie
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pie,
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 the main reason
of
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for
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 degradation is over-grazing at 35%, followed by deforestation and over-cultivation at 30% and 28%
respictively
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respectively
. Europe had a crucial land degraded in
total
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a total
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 of 23% caused by deforestation by 9.8%,
beside
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besides
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 that
over-cutivation
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over-cultivation
also
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 had
a
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an
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 affected by 7.7%. Oceania lands most degraded by over-grazing at11.3%.
On the other hand
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, the least affected region is North America at
total
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a total
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 of 5% most of it is by over-cultivation.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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