IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantages?

#change #people
Although
, certain segments of society think that reading
news
 from papers is more convenient for us.
However
, I agree with people who prefer
media
 because accessing the
news
 through
media
 is easier and not dependent on most conditions. On the one hand, the people who choose paper-based
news
 are usually older individuals. In the past,
news
 on the paper was the most convenient option for them and now they have been used to
newspapers
.
For instance
, despite many
media
 sources
convert
Wrong verb form
converting
show examples
 their publications to different
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
, few of them still release their stories via
newspapers
 for their grey-haired readers.
On the other hand
, new types of
media
 allow users to access global
news
 anytime, anywhere they want. By using electronic devices, they can access
news
 through websites about wider-ranged topics all over the world.
Also
, there is no need
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
show examples
 to the nearest store to buy a journal or newspaper, they can read whenever they want whatever they choose.
For example
, it was harder to spread vital
news
such
 as emergency alerts or natural disasters in the past and to read about it you had to wait at least half a day for publishing.
This
 is the reason why I
also
 prefer to join the group which prefers varieties of
media
 rather than
newspapers
. In conclusion, despite the
newspapers
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 seen best option for reading the
news
 by some people because of being used
to
Correct pronoun usage
to it
show examples
,
media’s
Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
 extended range and topics
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
 us to be informed about what we want which I agree with
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
.
Submitted by nurbala788788 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure you have a clear thesis statement that addresses the question directly. Expand on your main points with more detailed support and examples.
task achievement
Clarify your position throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more logically. Use more transition words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs. This helps guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Develop your conclusion to summarize your main points effectively and restate your position, ensuring it is consistent with the rest of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: