IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? what measures can you suggest to encourage higher level of activity among children

#children #television #activity #levels #case #measures #level
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Recently,
children
 do have a
long
Correct word choice
longer
show examples
screen-time
Correct your spelling
screen time
show examples
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past, so they do not participate in physical
activities
. To be honest,
this
 case has
not
Rephrase
nothing
show examples
 to do with
children
's choices, but a lot to do with their
parents
. There are several methods that will be helpful to prevent them
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 watching more
TV
 like
enroling
Correct your spelling
enrolling
 them in outdoor classes. It's a crystal clear fact that if
children
 are addicted to
TV
, they guilty is their
parents
, not
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
. Definitely, all kids need a fun time, and
uf
Correct your spelling
if
 there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 mother or father to play with, for sure, they turn to
TV
 programs.
For instance
, my cousin's daughter
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a 12-year-old girl, spends all her free time in front of
TV
Add an article
the TV
show examples
, and there is
not any
Rephrase
no
show examples
 control
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
 her
parents
. If we look at the case deeply, we will realize that it is all she can do at home because her mother is too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
busy to monitor her
activities
, or even encourage her
do
Add the particle
to do
show examples
 other ones. It is
really
Add an article
a really
show examples
 tough situation to convince today's generations to start
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 any change in their life, but
parents
 despite
this
 difficulty should enrol their
children
 in different classes to persuade them
do
Add the particle
to do
show examples
 some physical
activities
.
For example
, our
neightbor's
Correct your spelling
neighbour's
 son wasted a lot of time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching cartoons on
TV
. His
parents
 realized that he strongly tries to copy cartoon character's behaviour in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily life.
Therefore
, they
talk
Wrong verb form
talked
show examples
 with a
terapist
Correct your spelling
therapist
,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 decided to register him
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
a basketball classes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a basketball class
basketball classes
show examples
, because as
Correct article usage
the terapist
show examples
terapist
Correct your spelling
therapist
therapists
 told them
this
 addiction would be a severe health issue in the future. In conclusion, we cannot judge any
children
 if they watch television
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
,
while
 their
parents
 could be more sensitive about their lifestyle.
Finally
,
this
 behaviour is not
persistant
Correct your spelling
persistent
 and will be
stoped
Correct your spelling
stopped
show examples
 by some practical methods like outdoor
activities
 and talking with a psychologist.
Submitted by afrough on

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Paragraph structure
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Idea development
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Language use
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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