Social media websites have amused large user bases. Do the advantages of being a part of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate about the
internet
Use synonyms
and whether it stonished a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
number of consumers. My perspective is,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
that although
show examples
being a part of social
media
Use synonyms
can have
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
aspects, there are several
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
which overshadow the drawbacks. The following paragraphs will
diccuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
this
Linking Words
assertion.
To begin
Linking Words
with, there are huge advantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
utilizing the
internet
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
it made
communication
Use synonyms
facil
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
a larg
show examples
larg
Correct your spelling
large
scale, which
pave
Wrong verb form
paved
show examples
the way for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
qualified interaction with whomever via social
media
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
leads to a suitable relationship between residents without being
distrubted
Correct your spelling
distributed
by geographical
bounderies
Correct your spelling
boundaries
. In fact,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
consuming the
internet
Use synonyms
, individuals are able to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainble
Correct your spelling
sustainable
communication
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
over
show examples
long-haul distances.
For example
Linking Words
, an individual in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
can have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
substantial interaction with a person in
Asturalia
Correct your spelling
Australia
with the
accessiblity
Correct your spelling
accessibility
of mobile phones and social
media
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
means that the more social
media
Use synonyms
expands, the more significantly wealthy interaction residents will
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
This
Linking Words
issue can be beneficial for a standard livelihood. It has been
considred
Correct your spelling
considered
that with the
availibility
Correct your spelling
availability
of the
internet
Use synonyms
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
vast
Change the article
a vast
the vast
show examples
number of job
oppurtounities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
for
skiled
Correct your spelling
skilled
workers. In the modern era, because of the existence of the
internet
Use synonyms
, there are more well-educated people who are suitable for
divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
jobs. In other
worlds
Correct your spelling
words
show examples
,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
criteria
paves
Correct subject-verb agreement
pave
show examples
the way for a
quilified
Correct your spelling
qualified
toturing
Correct your spelling
torturing
tutoring
service since it will provide a wide range of information.
This
Linking Words
wiil
Correct your spelling
will
lead to
a well-informed students
Correct the article-noun agreement
well-informed students
a well-informed student
show examples
with a
considrable
Correct your spelling
considerable
amount of knowledge which can be used to find work and have a wealthy living condition with a well-planned income.
Thus
Linking Words
, not only does
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socila
Correct your spelling
social
media
Use synonyms
make
communication
Use synonyms
easier, but
also
Linking Words
it is
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
in education for a better understanding.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, It has been
considred
Correct your spelling
considered
that the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
has numerous drawbacks. In terms of
this
Linking Words
, some
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that social
media
Use synonyms
are a type of modern addiction.
Statastics
Correct your spelling
Statistics
depicted
Wrong verb form
depict
show examples
that in recent decades there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
of people using the
internet
Use synonyms
several hours a day.
This
Linking Words
means that individuals are consuming their essential time
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
of mobile phones or laptops which will have
Correct article usage
a distructive
show examples
distructive
Correct your spelling
destructive
effect on their livelihood. In other
worlds
Correct your spelling
words
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
matter will lead to distraction
while
Linking Words
working and less productivity in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
or at home.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
sicial
Correct your spelling
social
media
Use synonyms
cancen
Correct your spelling
can
eliminate the urge for face-to-face social
inteaction
Correct your spelling
interaction
interactions
which can cause challenges for residents. Not being able to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
qualified face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
with people can
exaccerbate
Correct your spelling
exacerbate
the social life of
th
Correct your spelling
the
person.
This
Linking Words
will cause anxiety and several mental illnesses that can not be cured unless with too much effort.
However
Linking Words
, these effects can be limited with
srict regualtions
Correct your spelling
strict regulations
and supervision of parents and
govrnments
Correct your spelling
governments
to prevent any
damag
Correct your spelling
damage
to
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
and mental health of the resident. In conclusion, my point of view is,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
there are several disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it can boost the quality of
communication
Use synonyms
and a wealthy
lifetyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
, the
advanteges
Correct your spelling
advantages
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
matter outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by imaneslampanahiep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents a structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. Use clear connecting phrases and ensure that each paragraph has a central idea that is expanded upon with supporting details.
Task Achievement
You have attempted to address all parts of the task and presented a clear position throughout the essay. To further improve, make sure that your argument is supported by specific examples and develop your ideas more comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and strive to illustrate your points with clear evidence or scenarios.
Language Proficiency
There are several grammatical and spelling errors present in the essay, which can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Proofreading your essay to correct these issues is highly recommended. Additionally, aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and more accurate word choices to convey your ideas effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: