Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is often argued by some that zoos
plays
Change the verb form
play
and
important role in saving Correct your spelling
an
animals
especially
the rare ones, Add the comma(s)
, especially
while
others think that zoo has to be shut down as it
Correct pronoun usage
they
disturbs
the Correct subject-verb agreement
disturb
animal
natural livelihood. Fix the agreement mistake
animals
This
essay will elaborate on both the
points and will include my view Correct article usage
apply
over
Change preposition
on
it
.
Zoos Correct pronoun usage
them
has
become an entertainment place to visit, especially Change the verb form
have
by
children in recent years. Many support the ideology of having Change preposition
for
zoo
, as it has various valuable reasons for it . Add an article
a zoo
Firstly
, it helps in preventing the extinction of various rare kinds of animal species. Secondly
, a growing study of research has mentioned that,
the hunting cruelty towards Remove the comma
apply
the
wild creatures has vastly reduced after the opening of zoological parks. Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, because of the idea of protecting beings inside the zoo has guaranteed better care for animals
including timely food, proper
medical attention when required. Correct word choice
and proper
For example
, the government invest a part of their budget to safeguard and for the betterment of these living beings. As a result
, they benefit in various ways than, if they are still in the woods.
On the other hand
, many feel that it is very cruel to keep the wild ones inside the cage and support the closure of these parks. There are many other supporting points to this
decision. First of all, it restricts most of the natural habits of these creatures. In addition
, many rare breeds are forced to involve
in Wrong verb form
be involved
breeding
process Add an article
the breeding
due to
the fear of being extinct. Similarly
, the livelihood of the caged beings are
disturbed because of the public interference in the name of visits.
In conclusion, I personally encourage the functioning of Change the verb form
is
menagerie
as its benefits Add an article
the menagerie
outweighs
the demerits. Change the verb form
outweigh
However
, the government should intervene and make sure that the animals
are not forced to breed and to reduce the public nuisance caused to the animals
by implementing fixed
time for visiting these areas.Correct article usage
a fixed
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introduction
Ensure that the essay introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's intention to discuss both views before giving their own opinion.
paragraphing
Make certain that each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point, followed by supporting details and examples.
cohesion
Use a greater variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas between and within paragraphs.
task response
To fully achieve the task, provide specific examples and evidence to support the points made in the essay.
grammatical range and accuracy
Check grammar and spelling to ensure accuracy and enhance the overall readability of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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