Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is often argued by some that zoos
plays
Change the verb form
play

The singular verb plays does not appear to agree with the plural subject zoos. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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and
Correct your spelling
an

The word and doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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important role in saving
animals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter especially the rare ones. Consider adding the comma(s).

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the rare ones,
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others think that zoo has to be shut down as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they

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disturbs
Correct subject-verb agreement
disturb

It seems that the verb disturbs does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals

It seems that animal may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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natural livelihood.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will elaborate on both
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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points and will include my view
over
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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it
Correct pronoun usage
them

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. Zoos
has
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have

The verb has does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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become an entertainment place to visit, especially
by
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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children in recent years. Many support the ideology of having
zoo
Add an article
a zoo

The noun phrase zoo seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, as it has various valuable reasons for it .
Firstly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it helps in preventing the extinction of various rare kinds of animal species.
Secondly
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, a growing study of research has mentioned that
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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the hunting cruelty towards
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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wild creatures has vastly reduced after the opening of zoological parks.
Additionally
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, because of the idea of protecting beings inside the zoo has guaranteed better care for
animals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

including timely food,
proper
Correct word choice
and proper

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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medical attention when required.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the government invest a part of their budget to safeguard and for the betterment of these living beings.
As a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they benefit in various ways than, if they are still in the woods.
On the other hand
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, many feel that it is very cruel to keep the wild ones inside the cage and support the closure of these parks. There are many other supporting points to
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

decision. First of all, it restricts most of the natural habits of these creatures.
In addition
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many rare breeds are forced to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb involve. Consider changing it.

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in
breeding
Add an article
the breeding

The noun phrase breeding process seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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process
due to
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the fear of being extinct.
Similarly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the livelihood of the caged beings
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject livelihood. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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disturbed because of the public interference in the name of visits. In conclusion, I personally encourage the functioning of
menagerie
Add an article
the menagerie

The noun phrase menagerie seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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as its benefits
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh

The singular verb outweighs does not appear to agree with the plural subject benefits. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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the demerits.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the government should intervene and make sure that the
animals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are not forced to breed and to reduce the public nuisance caused to the
animals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

by implementing
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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time for visiting these areas.

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introduction
Ensure that the essay introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's intention to discuss both views before giving their own opinion.
paragraphing
Make certain that each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point, followed by supporting details and examples.
cohesion
Use a greater variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas between and within paragraphs.
task response
To fully achieve the task, provide specific examples and evidence to support the points made in the essay.
grammatical range and accuracy
Check grammar and spelling to ensure accuracy and enhance the overall readability of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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