IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry, why is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

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In the current era, the scarcity of
food
Use synonyms
 has always been an issue globally, especially in developing countries.
However
Linking Words
, there have been many technologies used in agricultural production. Despite
this
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, a huge number of
people
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 around the world still
face lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
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food
Use synonyms
 and stay hungry. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation and some solutions will be considered. First and foremost, One of the first problems of the scarcity of
food
Use synonyms
 is lots of areas in the
war
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. The
war
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 brings
people
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 unsafe
live
Replace the word
lives
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, they are afraid of working outside, and the
war
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 destroys the natural resources,
such
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 as water, good soil, and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 environment. In
this
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 way, it prevents crops from being planted and harvested. Another problem that needs to be considered
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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 the government does not have enough money to support citizens to plant agriculture. In Syria, there is a lot of
war
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 there, and a variety of local
people
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 always go hungry. Most of the local
people
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 are very poor, they have
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 much money to buy
food
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. And local farmers do not have enough payment to purchase agricultural facilities.
Except
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Besides
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this
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, the local government is poor as well. To reduce more and more
people
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 facing lacking
food
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 problems. A possible solution to
this
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 problem would be
some
Change preposition
for some
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 of
Add an article
the area
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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pay
Fix the infinitive
to pay
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 attention to supporting more money to farmers in agriculture. The government can reduce the agricultural goods tax and publish some policies.
For example
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, they can encourage and reward farmers with equipment and free seed distribution.
Furthermore
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, One immediate practical solution is
to
Change preposition
that
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 more governments and individuals are calling for respect for every human life to reduce unnecessary wars. In summary, agricultural skills and facilities have been improved,
however
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, there are still many areas facing poverty and
war
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. They can not afford the cost
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 new technology. In the future, I do hope human beings have no
war
Use synonyms
 and everywhere is safe and rich.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the essay's structure, make sure there are clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and that each paragraph develops a single main idea. Connect ideas within and between paragraphs using cohesive devices.
Task Achievement
Expand on the main ideas with more specific examples and details, and ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the question's prompt. Stick to the point and stay on topic to make the response more focused.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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