Some people belive that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Protecting wild
animals
is seen
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
key to saving the balance of the ecosystem by some experts. A large amount of money is spent on saving wild
animals
todays
Correct your spelling
today
. It can be easily stated that since there are more pressing issues like
housing
Add an article
the housing
show examples
crisis
, and climate change on the earth, protecting wild
animals
should not be prioritized. One of the significant problems is
housing
Add an article
a housing
the housing
show examples
crisis
, which has been affecting numerous
people
across the
world
in recent years. To clarify, our
world
has been suffering from a huge economic
crisis
for the
last
five years,
this
situation resulted in
high
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a high
the high
show examples
level of
unemployment
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the unemployment
show examples
rate, especially, in suburban areas. In order to find new job opportunities, individuals have moved to city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, unevitably,
this
pattern ended up
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
housing
crisis
in the
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
of cities.
In other words
, as the population of towns has
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
,;
Change the punctuation
,
;
show examples
however
the number of
housings
Fix the agreement mistake
housing
show examples
remained unchanged,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
demand for condos can not afford by supplies.
Therefore
, investing in building affordable houses in the centre of the towns, would have more remarkable benefits
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
of
people
.
To sum up
, spending time or money on new
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
areas,
instead
of saving wild
animals
, should be accepted as a top
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
priority by governments.
On the other hand
, climate change has tremendous effects on
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, including rising sea levels,
depletion
Correct word choice
and depletion
show examples
of
ozone
Add an article
the ozone
show examples
layer. Unless these impacts do not solve, the
world
will become an area, where anyone can not live on it.
For instance
,
carbondioxide
Correct your spelling
carbon dioxide
emmision
Correct your spelling
emission
is one of the major causes of
ozon
Correct your spelling
ozone
layer depletion, which may result in an increase in skin cancer
prevelance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
among
people
in the future. Changing transportation means from motorized vehicles to bicycles may alleviate the
overall
carbondioxide
Correct your spelling
carbon dioxide
release to the atmosphere, and may prevent the depletion of
Correct article usage
the ozon
show examples
ozon
Correct your spelling
ozone
layer. With that perspective, spending budgets
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
bicycle paths would make a
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
of difference in terms of annual carbon release. In comparison with saving wild
animals
, reducing personal carbon footprint may be more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
to society. In
this
way
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
livable environment may
maintain
Wrong verb form
be maintained
show examples
.
To conclude
, when all these factors are taken into account,
since
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are many challenging concerns,
such
as climate change and
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
show examples
crisis
acroos
Correct your spelling
across
the
world
. Governments should prioritize these issues rather than the extinction of wild
animals
, and donate money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
organizations, which
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
apartment blocks
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
cheaper
prizes
Correct your spelling
prices
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
or
infrastructe
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
fro
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
more bicycle roads on
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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Coherence & Cohesion
It is evident that you understand the general requirements of the task and have made an attempt to organize your essay. However, to enhance the logical structure, aim for more seamless transitions between your ideas. Use linking phrases that not only connect sentences but also show relationships between paragraphs and the overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion that specifically address the prompt. It is good that they are present, but they should more explicitly outline your stance on the topic and summarily restate your main points in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with specific examples and detailed supporting arguments. Some parts of the essay tend to assert opinions without backing them up. Seek out relevant facts, statistics, or studies that lend credibility to your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay partially fulfills the task by discussing the necessary issues. However, to improve your score, ensure that your essay directly answers the question of the extent to which you agree or disagree throughout the essay and not just at the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more comprehensively. Work on expanding on the ideas presented, linking them closely to the question, and fully developing your arguments to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
While your essay attempts to use examples, they often lack specificity or direct relevance to the prompt. Integrate examples that are directly related to wildlife protection and how they compare to the other issues you've discussed like housing crises and climate change.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • extinction
  • wildlife tourism
  • resource allocation
  • habitats
  • sustainable development
  • environmental education
  • charismatic species
  • international collaboration
  • invasive species
  • poaching
  • endangered/threatened
  • conservation efforts
  • wildlife management
  • conservation biology
  • ecological balance
  • species preservation
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • animal welfare
  • ecotourism
  • genetic diversity
  • natural heritage
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