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Band 4.5

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways.What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults?

#children #adults #behaviour #changes #differences #children’s
While
 children enter adolescence, their social manner alters in some ways. The following essay takes a look at the difference between childhood and adulthood ,
Rephrase
as well
show examples
additionally
 as behaviour. What's more, we discuss the advantages of maturity. On the one hand, the essential contrast between youth and the elderly relates to consciousness and understanding. All of us know that when we were children, we did not realize the most dilemmas, especially everything associated with economic, poverty, social problems and others that adults deal with.
Moreover
, I believe that children are sensitive and vulnerable so they do not endure harsh situations. Even, they do not have a lot of experience and have to be taught by parents. They
also
 learn how to face difficulties.
This
 transition is What everybody should pass. At
this
 milestone,people have a lot of ability that analyze most situations and find solutions.
Although
, I believe that childhood is the best age, we do not make a decision or say our opinion. Because our intelligence does not have the power resolution correctly.
To sum up
,
this
 is social intelligence that nurtures and it can lead to change in our treatment and action. After reaching maturity, we can contribute to society events and play a significant role.
Submitted by Hassanihn on

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structure
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential in structuring the essay. It's important to start with an introductory paragraph that presents the topic and ends with a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
paragraphing
The essay should be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a specific idea that supports the main argument. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main sentence and subsequent sentences that explain or expand on that main idea.
examples
The use of relevant examples strengthens an argument. Consider including specific illustrations or anecdotes from childhood and adulthood to highlight the differences in social behavior.
task response
To fully respond to the task, ensure that the essay directly addresses the differences between children's and adults' social behavior. While there is some discussion, it could be focused more explicitly on social behavior as opposed to general attributes like understanding or intelligence.
coherence
For coherence, logical transitions and connectors should be used to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader to follow the argument more easily.
cohesion
To enhance cohesion, phrases that refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help tie the essay together. This will make the text feel more united and logical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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