There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young people today are under pressure to do well at
school
and go on to higher education
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
find a good job.
For
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
many people think that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
are
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
of time and that schools should only focus on more academic
subjects
. I would disagree with
this
opinion and in
this
essay will explain why.
Firstly
there is a variety of
skills
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
taught in
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
that are essential for living. A
school
should not only
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
focus on academic areas but should give
children
a range of
skills
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
children
learn teamwork, discipline, leadership
skills
and how to solve problems with
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
.
Secondly
, not all
children
want and need academic
subjects
. It is not important for everybody to go
higher
Change preposition
to higher
show examples
education and have good
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in
school
. There are some
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
that teach
children
to be more successful and find work easier.
Subjects
such
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
cookery and woodwork will be good for some students and give possibilities for job opportunities as chefs or furniture makers,
for example
.
Finally
,
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
can be very stressful and if all
subjects
are only very academic
then
it is bad for
children
.
Non academic
Add a hyphen
Non-academic
show examples
subjects
like physical education and music reduce their stress better than only with academic
subjects
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
I argue that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
are important because they can help
children
learn
skills
, find work and reduce stress. A
school
should not only be
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
on academic success but teach lots of
skills
to
children
.
Submitted by nadillamntr on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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