The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest in young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #future #people

The nation's youths are an essential asset of the state. There is a claim that if governance wants to be better in the future, it should take care of its youths. I completely agree with

this

statement and the reasons behind my thought will be discussed in

this

essay. The first reason for

this

agreement is that young people have a role as agents of change for a nation. It means that they become the

center

Change the spelling

centre

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of advancement for their own country. They are assessed more critically of existing social conditions, which strive to change so society can live in an ideal condition.

For instance

, Indonesian college students are refused a new policy about the authority of the Anti-Corruption Agency, which some articles can restrict the agency

Change preposition

from

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carrying out its functions. If students do not complain about

this

policy, it will result in corruption cases increasing.

That is

one reason why new generations are bringing improvements to the regime.

Moreover

, young talents can boost the economic growth of the country.

Study

Add an article

A study

The study

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from Oxford University

shown

Wrong verb form

shows

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that countries with a high portion of young men and women in their workforce tend to experience higher rates of economic development.

This

is because young men and women are typically more innovative and

entrepeneurial

Correct your spelling

entrepreneurial

than older generations. They are more likely to start new businesses, which can create jobs and drive economic expansion.

Hence

, governance should pay more attention

for

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show examples

growth

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the growth

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and development of adolescents,

such

as their health and education. In conclusion, the state authorities have to invest more in young talents because they can bring

changing

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change

show examples

to the country's fate and economic success. I totally agree with

this

standpoint, considering the aforementioned causes.

Submitted by helainhye2 on Sat Feb 10 2024

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Coherence/Cohesion

Ensure that there is a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss.

Coherence/Cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to structure the argument and create coherence.

Task Achievement

Expand on your examples by providing more detail, as they help to concretize your arguments.

Task Achievement

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that states the main idea.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

innovation
adaptability
entrepreneurship
demographics
socioeconomic
civic engagement
leadership
sustainable development
preventative measures
infrastructure
global competitiveness
skill development
vocational training
public policy
social welfare
human capital
technological literacy
inclusive growth
long-term planning
fiscal responsibility

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The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest in young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

A company has announced that it is wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your country. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

These days older people who have retired often choose to spend money on them. For example on holiday, rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.