Topic: We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?
In recent years, the implementation of computers has increased significantly in our daily tasks.
Due to
the advancement of technology, this
trend will continue in the upcoming days and become more active. However
, we do not have to take down our guard and trust these technologies' benefits.
Neural networking improvements will cause them to be more usable in the future. Routine work,which we have adopted to do by ourselves, will be done by enhanced technologies. For instance
, washing dishes and clothes have been already automated. Self-driving cars are going to be ready to enter our lives. Also
, research is ongoing about implanting technology-based organs and scientists plan that people's valued body units can be replaced easily. To sum up
, nearly everything will be digitalized in the future.
Nonetheless
, we should not rely so much on advanced machine learning. The reason is that these are not precise at one hundred percent and ethics laws are not implemented properly. Furthermore
, technologies' inadequate responses and actions can lead to trouble. Recent research concludes that one commercial company's customer services' artificial intelligence-based bot screws its customers and replies immorally. Another example is that Amazon's multi-functional artificial intelligence, Alexa, told one child to grab a knife and attack his/her parents. By considering these situations, we should not rely so much on computer-based machinery.
In conclusion, as a consequence
of significant improvements in automation, most of the work that our duties will be replaced by embedded machines. But, putting our confidence in these will result badly.Submitted by nurbala788788 on
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task achievement
You provided a reasonable attempt to address the prompt, but your response needs more development in terms of providing specific examples and clear explanations to support your points. Work on expanding your ideas with clear justifications to show the impact that dependence on computer-based technology will have.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to provide a more logical structure to your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and a series of supporting sentences that develop that idea. Transition words and phrases can also help with the flow from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion seems rushed and does not adequately summarize the ideas presented in the essay. It's important to restate your main points and provide a clear final thought on the topic to reinforce your position and give the essay a sense of closure.
task achievement
While you have provided examples, they need to be more relevant and clearly explained. It's important that each example directly relates to the point you're trying to make and is developed enough to be persuasive to the reader.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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