Governments should focus more on preventing crime than on other issues such as healthcare and education. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?
There is an opinion that the government in a country needs to pay more attention to violent
activities
prevention than other fields, like health and Change the noun form
activity
education
issues. Even though the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
prevention can keep the country safe, I disagree with the notion. On the contrary
, I believe that the authority should focus more on healthcare
and Correct article usage
the healthcare
education
sectors for sustainable benefits.
On the one hand, the crime's
rate is increasing nowadays, and the government need to take some Change noun form
crime
actions
. Politicians can issue heavier regulations and Fix the agreement mistake
action
more
strict policies to press the number of Correct quantifier usage
apply
violance
down. Correct your spelling
violence
For example
, the death penalty punishment can be spelled
to corruptors. Change the spelling
spelt
As a result
, other criminals will think twice before continuing their bad actions; thus
new crime
can be anticipated.
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
On the other hand
, however
, the number of people involved in crime
in a nation is less dominated than other good citizens. It means that,
the focus on other aspects, Remove the comma
apply
such
as healthcare and education
, is no less important. For instance
, the number of new diseases attacking children, pregnant women, and elderly people is worrying. As a consequence
, the authority should add more facilities and build more health centers
to take care of the patients and give them specific treatments. Change the spelling
centres
In addition
, the government can provide a better education
system, such
as more scholarships for young people who want to be doctors. Extra hospitals and doctors will have significant and long-term impacts.
In conclusion, the
governments have a responsibility Correct article usage
apply
in preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
crime
actions. However
, putting more thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
on
educational and healthcare aspects Change preposition
into
contribute
more to the wealth of the countries.Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Paragraphs should flow smoothly, with a variety of linking words used effectively to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but could be strengthened by providing a clearer thesis statement and summarizing your main points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples and details. Your essay has relevant examples, but more specificity would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure a full response to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. Your essay presents a clear position, but you could further explore the implications of prioritizing crime prevention over healthcare and education.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding your argument, explaining the reasoning behind your views, and responding to potential counter-arguments.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your viewpoints. Try to include real-world evidence or more detailed scenarios that reinforce your argument.