IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people say that all boys and girls should learn to cook as a compulsory part of their education from primary schools.

#people #boys #girls #cook #part #education #schools
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It has been suggested that cooking should be included in the curriculum of all
students
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 as early as they are in elementary
school
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;
however
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, I disagree with
this
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 suggestion and believe
this
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skill
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 should be taught later in life, not as a mandatory subject. The primary disadvantage of teaching to learn to cook at
this
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 age would be the chances of mishappening in the
school
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 kitchen.
For example
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, cooking involves dealing with knives and forks,
as well as
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 fire. Any single mistake of
students
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,
thus
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, may lead to a major accident, not only causing damage to the property but
also
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 putting the lives of
students
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 and teachers in jeopardy.
Additionally
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, cooking is a practical
skill
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,
teaching
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and teaching
show examples
this
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skill
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 at
school
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 will be costly. To illustrate,
practicing
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practising
show examples
this
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 expertise would require the schools, offering these classes, to invest in large kitchens with multiple appliances for everyone to practice and a constant supply of ingredients, which is likely to make
this
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 program expensive and oblige schools to charge higher fees from parents, which not all of the parents will be willing to pay.
This
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skill
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 can
also
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 be learned at home by parents or with the help of an online network without any additional cost.
Therefore
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, it would be better if the idea of teaching cooking skills to
students
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 in primary
school
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 as a compulsory subject is abandoned and
instead
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,
this
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 education is made part of college or university studies, but not as a mandatory course. So only those who either have an interest in cooking or would like to pursue a career in
this
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 field choose to study it.
To conclude
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, even though there could be a benefit of learning to cook for young ones at an early age yet, I believe the disadvantages can not be overlooked. So It would be worthwhile to introduce
this
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skill
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 to them once they are able to handle it safely and develop their interest.
Submitted by kulanmolnaib on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task adequately, providing a clear viewpoint and giving relevant points, there is room for improvement in the introduction and conclusion. The introduction could be more engaging, and the conclusion could summarize key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. This will help the essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, providing relevant examples and reasoning to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good, with a clear progression of ideas and well-organized paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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