IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

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Sugar
Use synonyms
 is one of the food ingredients that always
include
Wrong verb form
included
show examples
 in food or drink
products
Use synonyms
 and many
products
Use synonyms
 contain higher
sugar
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 unhealthy. Some argue that
sugar
Use synonyms
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
 should
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 costly to reduce daily
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 given statement and the reasons behind my
though
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
 will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, consuming
sugar
Use synonyms
 more than
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
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 intake needed is bad for living beings. A study from Oxford University shows that 70% of young adults
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 from diabetes because
consuming
Change preposition
of consuming
show examples
 sweet drinks each day. Actually,
Human
Correct article usage
the Human
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 body only
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 10 milliliter
glucose
Change preposition
of glucose
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
,
according to
Linking Words
 an article from WHO.
Sugar
Use synonyms
 can inhibit nutrition absorption
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
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 people consume it in large
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
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 before the stomach
digest
Correct subject-verb agreement
digests
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 other foods.
For example
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, my five
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 old's nephew
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffers
show examples
 from obesity because she always
eat
Change the verb form
eats
show examples
 chocolate pancakes for her breakfast.
That is
Linking Words
 why excess
sugar
Use synonyms
 is not good for health.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government should take responsibility for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon because
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 can produce
products
Use synonyms
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on the government policy. When the state authorities make boundaries about
maximum
Add an article
the maximum
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 content in food and drink
products
Use synonyms
, it can reduce the daily
colinsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in society. Take Singapore
for instance
Linking Words
, the commercial drinks there have health label levels so it makes
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
 for consumers to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
. In conclusion, some people believe that
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the price of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
society to
Change preposition
society's
show examples
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 less
sugar
Use synonyms
 because
sugar
Use synonyms
 is bad for health,
however
Linking Words
, the state should be
intefered
Correct your spelling
involved
 in
sugar
Use synonyms
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, considering the aforementioned causes.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure you have a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and presents your view. The conclusion also needs to restate your main points and opinion succinctly to impact the reader.
supported main points
Develop your main points with clear examples and explanations. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea and provide more detailed evidence to support your arguments, avoiding overly general statements.
complete response
Address all parts of the task by discussing both sides of the argument, your own view, and providing more specific examples. Make sure the essay answers the question directly and comprehensively.
logical structure
Work on structuring your essay with a clear logical flow. Use connecting words to link sentences and paragraphs, and organize your thoughts into a more digestible format.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas for the reader. Rather than making generalized statements, delve deeper into the implications of high sugar consumption and how pricing could influence behaviour.
relevant specific examples
When giving examples, ensure they are relevant and specific to the argument. For instance, when mentioning studies, give specific data or findings rather than summarizing broadly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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